Monthly Archives: January 2014

Defeat Laziness with Logic and a Desire for Happiness

Life Advice

Laziness, Indecision, or Fear often keeps you from doing what you want and being happy.  Most of the time, it can be worked out with logic.

Let’s say you want to go on a hike.  However, you are too lazy to pack, you don’t know which trail to hike, and you’re afraid you’ll meet a bear, so you don’t go.  Instead, you fill your time and life with second-best options, and are not as satisfied.  Now you’re dissatisfied with your life.  Let’s say you want to be satisfied with your life.  OK, what do you need to do: pack, pick a trail with no bears, and go hike.

If you reduce your laziness into two logical choices. 1. be lazy and less happy, or 2. be active and more happy, then you can bring perspective into the situation, and the answer becomes clear to the question: Which do you want?  If laziness brings you happiness, then your logical choices are 1. be lazy and more happy, or 2. active and less happy; and again, you can pick the one you want.

Some further comments are: don’t feel bad for choosing to be lazy if that’s what you want to be.  It’s a free country.  However, if you feel bad about being lazy, then you need to realize the reality of your situation, and face your logical choices and choose the one you want.

Conversation Secrets: Sustaining Conversation

Conversation

To introduce a new topic, or change the direction of the conversation, remember all question words: Who What When Where Why How etc.  Then combine said question words with any noun or verb you can think of into a logical or illogical sentence.  Be a monkey with a dictionary.  Then filter out the ones you think of and pick the best question for the situation.

To stay on topic without having anything more to say about it, simply elaborate on whatever you’re saying by stating the obvious if it hasn’t yet been said.  Everyone’s mind holds a different context, and stating something explicitly does several good things: it brings everyone onto the same page, it keeps everyone relaxed since there’s no awkward silence, it gives people more time to think about what to say next, and it can trigger mental associations that move the conversation forward.

Storytelling is the best form of communication and socializing, so try to speak in terms of stories (see the movie Lincoln).  Stories are good because it sends a message with an example, and it’s entertaining.  Focus on recreating the scene, rather than just progressing the plot, and emphasize descriptions related to emotion.   Tell the same story multiple times to multiple people–you will refine both the story and your storytelling skills that way.

How to Ask Questions without Questions

Questions to Deepen the Conversation

What do you like to do in your free time? What do you like? What do you care about? What did you do recently [that was fun]?

How long have you ___?  or I have been ___ for ___.

Where [did you/have you] ___?  or  I ___ in ___.

What has happened in the news lately? Global, Domestic, Regional, Local?  What has happened to you or your mutual friends in the last few days, yesterday, today? What happened earlier–no matter how dull or boring, it is something to talk about: say what you did.  Try to describe it more and expand on every detail

Expand on every detail.  Nouns and verbs, expand with adjectives or expressions like similes.

A Time and Place for Business vs. Personal

Context, Social Skills

When you’re growing up, life is about balancing work and play.  When you’re an adult, that balance is called business and personal.

Business is about competition, and winning, because winning is good for business.  Business is about money.

Personal is about having fun, because fun contributes to happiness and relieves stress.  Personal is about time, hence “personal time.”

Mixing or mistaking one for the other causes problems.  A friend who refuses to lend you money isn’t a bad friend: lending money is a business transaction, not a test of friendship.  Trust is a test of friendship, but you can not count on it in the business world: if a lawyer can screw you for it, prepare to be screwed.  Furthermore, one-upmanship and cutthroat competition belongs in business, not in personal.  Someone who criticizes and critiques all contacts is not fun to hang out with, but is exactly who you want if you’re trying to improve.  Also, taking a social game too seriously can ruin the fun, but taking a competitive game too causally can also ruin the fun.

In social situations, the line between when it’s business and when it’s personal is not only fine, but constantly moving.  A general good rule of thumb is to pay attention to body language and measure how receptive they are to what you’re doing, and listen for signals either to continue or stop.

In Personal, effort is awarded.  In Business, results are awarded.  Be careful not to judge people in your personal life with results.

More Social Skills Resources

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