Nobody likes waiting in line, but some people can do it without wasting emotions and energy by getting angry. They do this by avoiding personalization and blaming and false mind reading.
When a rich person goes to bureaucracy, they usually have these assumptions
- The system is here to serve me
- I will get served
- I deserve to get served
- They must serve me because I am entitled to the service
- I have power to complain and ensure that I get the service
- I will be fine without the service
And so most of their anger (if any) is centered around entitlement, and most of their calmness and peace is also centered around entitlement.
When a poor person goes to bureaucracy, they usually have these assumptions
- The system is set up by someone else for their own reasons that weren’t necessarily for my benefit.
- I just happen to qualify, maybe I will get served.
- Or I don’t qualify, and I hope they don’t notice.
- I don’t deserve service, but I hope I do get service
- I am not entitled to the service, it’s not guaranteed.
- If they refuse service I have no way of forcing them to give me service, I’m powerless. I’m weak and afraid.
- If I don’t get this service, I’ll be much worse off because 1. I need this service 2. I don’t have much so 3. it costs me a lot to be here waiting for the service. So much so that I may not have much left–waiting in line costs so much energy and health and resources that I can’t afford to not be served.
And so most of their anger comes from the fear of being worse off, the fear of being not served, the fear of the humiliation of being refused service, and the fear of the realization of how weak and powerless they really are.
To overcome these emotions, you need to reframe the situation. Think about it this way:
- The system is out of your control
- The system is not human. Even though you’re interacting with people who operate within the system, the people obey the commands of the system. The system lives by using the people. Bureaucracy is not people, it’s a system.
- Systems do not persecute individuals. There’s nothing in the system that says for you and you alone, you cannot get service. The system has rules that are general. For example, the system might say that anyone who has blue hair cannot get service. So if you have blue hair you don’t get service. If this happens, don’t personalize it. It’s not just you, it was unlucky that it was about your blue hair.
- If you have connections or can make insider connections to get special treatment, realize that you are no longer dealing with a system or a bureaucracy, but you’re dealing with the specific individual and their power over the system. What this means is: it only matters if it works, and if it doesn’t, don’t dwell on the person’s failure, just realize you’re going to be served by the system, and the system gives no special treatment. No special good, and no special bad.
If you can accept that the system of bureaucracy is a mindless organization outside of your control, then there’s less to be angry about. All you need to know is time will be spent waiting for your service, and you can spend that time tiring yourself out with anger, or you can spend that time in a better way that is up to your choosing.
- If the system does not serve you, it’s not neglect. A lot of people were neglected by their parents, friends, etc. and so when they’re waiting for service, the act of not being served can trigger feelings of neglect. Don’t fall for this. The system has not singled you out for neglect. It’s a random act with no biases: systems do not target individuals, they target groups of people. So don’t take it personally as neglect. It’s not.
I also want to point out entitlement is a key reason why communism and capitalism lead to very different mental healths for the population. In Communism, everyone knows they’re supposed to get something so there’s some peace in that. It might be widely unequal what they get compared to others, but everyone knows they’re supposed to get something and there’s comfort in that. In Capitalism, everyone knows they’re supposed to get nothing. You get nothing unless you earn it somehow. There’s no peace, because earning is a competition, supply and demand, market forces outside your control dictating whether you can sell your services or not. There’s a lot of fear and uncertainty in capitalism that leads to unhealthy mental states.
Read more about articles in the Rich vs. Poor Series here.