Communicating Listening helps the other person feel listened to and valued, which deepens the relationship.
1. Memory — remembering what someone says shows you listened and you accept them for who they are because you still hang out with them after learning about them.
2. Questions — relevant follow up questions shows you’ve been listening, and that you’re interested in them, and that what they are saying is valued by you, so they feel valued.
3. Summarize — summarize what they just said shows you listened to what you just said and explicitly communicates to them what you heard.
4. Transitions — if you want to change the subject, acknowledge what they said first before you change the topic so they feel listened to. This is because
*Key Point* they cannot read your mind. So unless you communicate listening in some way, they have no idea if you heard what they said or not. So always always always communicate listening so that they know that you listened.
5. Don’t Cut Them Off — let them finish telling their whole story before you change the topic. Check whether they finished by pausing and watching their body language.

To help someone is in emotional pain, you need to assess the severity of their emotional pain. There is a difference between someone who is emotionally healthy and someone who is in emotional pain.
– If someone is emotionally healthy but sad, you can cheer them up using normal methods like bringing them happiness or taking them to do fun things.
– If someone is in emotional pain, you need to listen to their story in full detail to help them heal by helping them feel like they aren’t alone, they are understood, their feelings are acknowledged, and they are supported and cared for. When you listen, you need to not judge, not criticize, not give advice, and not try to change their perspective on things. You have to acknowledge that this is their story, their version, and listen to what they are saying. Avoid the trap of trying to disagree with their statements to help them feel better. All that will do is make them feel like you are attacking them. Instead, wait until after they have told you their whole story. Typically shortly after they tell you the whole story and you make them feel heard, they will then be willing to listen to what you have to say. And you can give your advice and perspective then. Not before. If you want to help them, you will not give your thoughts before they have finished telling you theirs.