Monthly Archives: May 2019

Thoughts 5/31

History repeats itself. Unless you write it down, and you remember it, and the next time you don’t repeat history.

But some, like me, are stubborn. Born to stub our toes repeatedly on the same crack in the ground on the same path we walk on our way through life. We pick that same way every time because it’s what we know, it’s what we learned first, so it’s what we do.

About breaking habits, I’ve talked and researched and done so many times in my life. To stop sleeping too late. To add exercise to my schedule. To smile more at the people around me. But there are some habits I’ve not broken because I consider them core parts of my identity. To break those habits would be equivalent to breaking my arm or breaking my mind or breaking my identity to myself and to others.

Part of this habit is what I eat. And by that I mean my browsing activity. The websites I visit. The articles I choose to read. The links I choose to click on. In the same way that what I eat dictates my nutrition and and what I do in terms of exercise activities determines my physical health, what I read and see and think and feel determines my mental health. And I find that my view of the world is so limited. So narrow. Because algorithms and branding and marketing ensures that I’m targeted as specifically as possible. That I’m treated precisely the same as I was in the past. Such that I will repeat history, repeat my mistakes. repeat my pain.

I need to break this cycle. I need to break my history. I need to stop retracing my steps. I need exploration. I need creativity. I need art and its inspiration of new thoughts and ideas.

My mind is open. Show me the way

Strength Over Escape

I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. – Phillips Brooks

Often times, in the face of problems, we wish the problems would go away on their own. We wish we had fewer problems. Realize something. When you’re weary and tired, it makes sense to wish for less work so you have time to rest. But the reason you rest is not to have less problems. The reason you rest is so you can get stronger. And when you’re stronger, be able to face those problems and triumph. Wish for strength. Wish for the opportunity to heal and strengthen. Wish for growth. Not for a life of weakness, where problems scare you and you wish them away rather than rise up, face the problem, and overcome it.

Recently, I’ve wondered why I do better when I practice alone with no stress than when I’m performing in front of others in order to get something. Why is it that stress causes me to underperform so much? What follows in today’s post is my research into this topic

  • the focus of concentration has shifted. In practice, your focus was in the moment on what you’re trying to do. In competition, your focus is on the outcome and what your hopes and dreams are, which distract you from fully concentrating on the task at hand.

  • See and react. Problems occur when thinking comes in. And over thinking. When it’s competition time, just do.

  • Address your self talk: Don’t have negative thoughts, don’t focus on the negative outcomes you don’t want, and assess what your focus is right before your performance to evaluate which focus topics lead to success and which lead to failure.
  • Also, acknowledge what you’re going through. You can’t lie to yourself. Self Empathy
  • People who personality wise hated losing would choke only when they might win big (they see it as losing a huge opportunity). People who personality wise were unafraid to lose would choke only when they might lose big (they panic at the prospect of huge losses).
  • Therefore, recognize which type you are, and reframe your perspective to the one that works for your personality type. Instead of ‘winning big’ think of it as ‘losing big.’ Instead of ‘losing big’ think of it as ‘winning big.’

  • How do novices and professionals respond to distraction? External distractions bother novices but not professionals. Internal distractions bother professionals but not novices. If you ask a professional to pay attention to what they do and how they do it, they will perform worse.
  • Slow down, be more deliberate, and unlock success. When soccer penalty kick players took more time to place the ball down on the grass before kicking, they scored goals more often.
  • Repeating positive statements about yourself has been shown to decrease the likelihood of losing your confidence, which can keep you focused throughout the game. Remember, the statements should be based on fact. It’s not just positive thinking that helps, it’s positive statements that are true.

  • When novices take their time, they do better. When professionals take their time, they do worse. Professionals need to go on autopilot and let that take control.

I hope this helps ease your problems in life!

The Power to Create

CreateIn times of trouble, in times of need, in times of struggle, it takes something new to change the status quo.  It takes something new to change the situation.  If everything stays the same, then what will happen will happen.  If you want to change what will happen, then you must introduce something new. You must create the change you wish to see in your circumstances.

I think the natural response to despair is to blame.  To blame others, to blame the situation, to blame God.  Overcoming blame is tough. It takes a combination of mental, emotional, and resource healing to gain strength.  It is strength that overcomes blame.  Blame at its core is a call for help.  When someone turns to blame, they are saying they are too weak to move on. And that’s OK. It is OK to be weak.  We are all weak sometimes.  When you hear someone else blaming others, don’t attack the person for choosing blame as a coping mechanism because you’ll only weaken them further. Instead, find ways to support them. Strengthen them.  So that they can become strong. When someone is strong, they might hold someone else responsible, but they won’t get stuck in the past, blaming the person responsible.  When someone is strong, they can assess the situation, and move on.  Strength allows you to overcome blame.

The next natural response to rationalize through logic, morals, culture, etc.  This is a coping mechanism too. It’s called acceptance.  It’s very effective and powerful in allowing you to accept the reality of the situation and move on from it.  From a practical standpoint, acceptance is effective.  It solves the problem by acknowledging it. And it frees you from being trapped in the past so that you can live in the present.  And by living in the present, you can create a brighter future.

I think there is a better way.  A third way.  And that is to create.  When there is a problem, rather than look for a target of blame, rather than look for reasons why to accept the situation, I would want to create solutions to the situation.  Find ways to solve the problem.  Find something out of nothing. Create what you want. What you need.

An example of creation is persuasion and influence.  If you need something from someone else, and you can’t afford it outright, you can respond by blaming, or rationalizing.  Or you can respond by talking, communicating, and persuading and creating within the other person a desire to help you and therefore get what you want.

Another example of creation is negotiating. By having a conversation and understanding the needs and wants of the other party, you can better position yourself to make an advantageous trade.  Google for negotiation resources.

Another example of creation is energy and relationships. If someone else isn’t behaving the way you want, or isn’t responding to you the way you want, use your own energy to create an environment that enables the other to behave the way you want.  If someone is not energetic, you should be energetic to raise their energy levels with your own.  If someone is sad, don’t blame them, don’t accept that they are sad, work to create joy for the both of you.

Creation can do more than just give you what you want. Creation can free you from entitlement and pessimism and despair. Creation says: rather than demand things from the world, create them for yourself.  Demanding is an ineffective method of achieving what you want. It requires power, the power to overcome the power of another person. Any time you try to achieve something through force, you’re wasting the world’s resources because you’re expending power and someone else is expending power against your power.  When you achieve through creation, you save the wasting of energy fighting and transform the energy that would have gone into fighting into energy that goes into cooperation and relationship and community building.  Creation says: rather than think the world will head towards danger, be the reason the world doesn’t head towards danger.  Creation says: rather than think the terrible world you live in is permanent, change that world to be the treasures you seek.

Creation is outside the box thinking.  If a solution existed within the box, then it would have been used. Everyone works with the best options available to them.  If you find that the options available to you are unsatisfactory. Don’t blame. Don’t accept. Create the option you want for yourself.