How to Convince People: https://dcgross.com/how-to-convince-people/
How to have fun Conversational Banter : http://www.dialteg.com/store/Teasing-Banter-Lines.pdf
As the technology for inviting each other advanced, our invitations became more distant as well. Invitations used to be personal and in person
Then it became a personal messenger
Then phone call
Then automated evite list
Vibe of Not a big deal vs. Vibe of This is a BIG DEAL . I spent too much time and energy having a stressed vibe. Instead, I should stay chill while recognizing importance in my mind instead of with my emotions and my body.
In persuasion, the harder you push someone the less likely they will be persuaded.
In a successful persuasion, the other person will pick up your idea and then do the work to develop it on their own out of their own desire and not out of your desire.
To plant a seed in another person’s mind that will persuade them to think your way, you must design the idea you use as a seed to be open ended enough that the other person can build on the idea in their own way to make it their own. Rather than planting a developed plant (the direct idea), plant an underdeveloped idea (a seed).
I think I have to be fake in order to be accepted. This is wrong. but this is how I was in my childhood: I thought, my real self would be unacceptable to god, to people, to the law, and so I must always present a fake self in order to be accepted. This is an unhealthy childhood habit that I want to overcome now that I’m an adult in a better place to express my true self and be accepted for it.
I want to think: people can and will accept me for who I am.
I often give love by protecting people from consequences by lying to them and stunting their growth. I want to be more honest, and use this honesty to encourage and inspire and help others grow and improve.
Importance of play:
play must be fair: in canines, if the dominant wolf tackles another wolf in the pack, the dominant wolf must let the other wolf tackle him back in play. If there is unfairness, the unfair player is ignored by the rest of the group and they are avoided.
bullies don’t know how to play fair; they didn’t learn at home as children.
to play fair, you must have consciousness, and an understanding of what the other animal wants and how their actions affect the animal. in other words, empathy
I rewatched Avatar the James Cameron Movie. The main character Jake, when he is in his Avatar, every decision he makes is life or death. Which means he is fully engaged in the present moment. There is no time to think about the past of the future: everything is about survival right now. When he makes a decision, he is also focused on solving the present problem in the present time. There is no build up of things to do later.
When I compare Jake to my life, I realize that I am not committed to my decisions: if it fails or if it succeeds, it doesn’t really change my life. It’s not life or death. I also spend much of my time thinking about the past and the future instead of being engaged in the present moment. I am not happy. Jake in the movie is happy. I should change my way of living to match Jake to be more happy.
2. It takes a warrior to know peace.
To win a war, you must understand your enemy. When you understand your enemy, you understand what makes them special. You see their beauty. You see the world through their eyes. And you no longer want to fight because you want to preserve their beauty and your own.
In war, some people numb themselves to the pain and become heartless, but it is because they have a heart that feels the pain that they become heartless. Others respond to pain by becoming more loving. People who never experience war don’t understand this at all.
3. In a healthy family, the children want to become like their parents. The children will learn from their parents. The children will imitate their parents.
I grew up in an unhealthy family. I had abusive parents. My therapists all have told me to forget everything my parents taught me in order to become a better person. I grew up trying my best never to become like my parents, and trying to prevent other people from becoming like my parents.
I always found it weird when my friends would listen to their parents and trust their parents without doubting them first. And I only now realized that for a healthy family…they don’t think like me. They don’t have to question their parents’ validity every moment, and in fact they can do the opposite: trust their parents validity every moment.
4. In conversation, proactively anticipate what they want to hear and drive the conversation in a direction that you mutually desire.
5. I want to get better at choosing the right people to care about