I have a tendency to ‘expect’ things from people in positions of power, or ‘expect’ things from people who are responsible for things based on their role.  For example: Expecting my mom to be a good mom. Expecting my manager to be a good manager. Expecting my iPhone help technician to be competent.  

When I talked to my iPhone help in 2019, I could tell immediately that she had little knowledge and was blindly following the book and was not going to be willing or able to help me and I could already sense a bias and negative attitude and energy from her.  

In the face of this negative energy, I became subservient and tried to earn and win her approval and I let her make me feel like I had low self esteem and low self worth and I believed that I deserved to be treated poorly and I begged for better treatment. NO. NO. NO. NEVER AGAIN react this way. If someone disrespects me and tries to break my frame, I SHOULD NOT THINK LOWER OF MYSELF and let this stranger who doesn’t know me dictate my perception of myself.  I know who I am and I know what I’m worth. This person doesn’t.  

I used to think 1. this is a malicious intent from the other person so I need to be in fear or 2. this is a consequence of an unfair worth that isn’t worth living in so I need to be in depression.  Now I want to focus and STAY in 3. this is an imperfect world where people make mistakes and I just need to stay SMART, keep my WITS about me, and INTELLIGENTLY NAVIGATE my way through this world with all its faults and issues and problems.  

I can do number 3 now because I accept that meeting someone who misses my expectations is now an ACCEPTABLE outcome, instead of fighting that reality with denial and rage and bargaining. I accept these terms, world. For the first time, I no longer expect or demand the world to make sense, to be fair, to live up to expectations. Take what I can get, react to what I see, stay conscious of my identity.

Dying Letter from a person with Lung Cancer.

“I wish I had not worried so much about the little things. I wish I had not worried so much about the numbers in my bank account or the punch of the time clock. All that time working. I had enough money to keep a roof over my head and to invest in what few hobbies I had, yet I still kept racking up overtime. And for what? Only to find myself here. It all came to nothing in the end. I robbed myself of the most precious commodity I had, time, in exchange for green pieces of paper and little metal discs. A perverse and twisted trade. Only now do I see the truth.

I wish I had had the courage to live my life the way I wanted to. I wish I had traveled the world, fallen in love, written a novel. I wish I had had children. I have no one to whom I can pass my life lessons. No one to sit by my side, here at the end of my world. It is too late for me. But it is not too late for you. Live the life YOU want, no matter how strange it may seem to others or to society. It is your life and yours alone. Live it well.”

I wish I had had the courage to live my life the way I wanted to. It’s not too late for you! It’s not too late for me. I gotta get on this. No really: Message me if you want to help me. I have plans and goals. I need help putting them into action. Send me an email! Find it at the end of my About section!

According to Navy Seals, one of the most high performing teams in the world, they would rather have a mid to low performing and high trust worthy teammate, than a high performing low trustworthy teammate.

According to the US Military, the lower bound for IQ is 83, below which no job is available where that person can contribute positively to the organization. That means 1 in 10 people in the world alive today, assuming society is similar to the military, can not do work.

Perhaps they have a different role in society–they can foster and facilitate trust.