Category Archives: Life Skills

Health Checklist: I Feel Bad, What Should I Do?

  • Water: Drink clean, pure water. Hydrate
  • Oxygen: Take deep breaths, long and slow. Breathe air
  • Relax Your Muscles: Check for stiffness or muscle tension from your head to your toe, limb by limb. Stretch gently and massage gently areas of stiffness or muscle tension. Stand up tall, hop up and down and loosen up your body.  Relax
  • Relax Your Mind: Problems matter, but you can get to them later. Procrastinate a bit and stop thinking about them.  Zoom out from the problem and see how the problem fits into the bigger picture. Look at that bigger picture instead.  Look for the good parts. Remember what you’re working for, what you’re working towards.
  • Nutrition: Did you eat at all recently? Was it all sugar? Was it all processed chemical foods? Get something fresh and organic and eat it. Check your salt intake, potassium intake, iron, protein, carbs, fiber, vitamin C, B, D.  Yes seriously. It’s your job to get enough of every chemical, otherwise not getting enough is probably why you don’t feel good now.
  • Sleep: Did you get 8+ hours every day for the last 4+ days? If not, that’s your problem.
  • Clothing: Are you wearing enough for the temperature you’re in? Add or remove layers, or adjust your AC/Heater.
  • Tasks: Is something due soon? What can you do, what’s in your control? What is not in your control? What is constructive that you can do and why? What is not constructive and why?  Focus on the plan, not the result. Plan and execute, let go of focusing on the result.
  • Perspective: Appreciate, Gratefulness, Positive Emotions. What are they? Remind yourself. Take a break from your current perspective to explore others.
  • Seek Help: Need help? Ask for it. Google it. AskReddit
  • Have Fun: Hung out with friends lately? Played lately? Had fun lately? Take a break
  • Relationships: Trouble? Happy? Face problems, ask for help if needed.
  • Financial: See Tasks and Seek Help
  • Emotional: See combination of all bullet points. Practice some self reflection and self awareness.  Meditate.
  • Intellectual: Speed is demanded by modern society but it isn’t required. If you’re late, better late than never. Thinking takes time, give your self time to solve intellectual problems.
  • Learn: Have you learned something lately? Do so
  • Create: Have you made something lately? Do so
  • Explore: Have you gone outside your comfort zone lately? Do so

If all bullet points are checked off as successful and you still feel bad, wait it out. Patience. <– This is assuming doctors haven’t provided effective solutions. If you haven’t seen a doctor, see a doctor and hear what they have to say.  Maybe listen, maybe not, it’s your choice.

Headache -> Check Fever, check temperature with thermometer.

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Giving Unhurtful Feedback

I am notorious for giving cruel, uncaring, cutting feedback.  I thought that if I was clear, firm, and to the point, I would achieve perfect communication.  This is true only for robots, but not for humans with emotions.

Here’s what I thought happens when two people talk:

(idea in head) -> words spoken -> sound in air -> words heard by other person -> (idea in head)

Here’s what actually happens

(idea in head) -> words spoken with tone and expressed with body language -> sound in air and visual imagery -> other person’s emotions at the time + other person’s unconscious biases and habits + other person’s beliefs and world view + other person’s view on the relationship between you and them + other person’s feelings of their relationships with themselves and the rest of the world at that moment + what you said + what they interpret what you said meant + what they see + what they interpret what they see meant -> (idea in head)

As a result, when I say something like “Don’t do that. Do this instead.”  What I think is happening is I’m clearly communicating what needs to be addressed, and how it needs to be addressed.  What is happening is I’m 1. taking authority and command and superiority to tell the other person what to do 2. making them feel small 3. making them feel threatened 4. making them feel confused and afraid from the threat 5. making them question why 6. making them insecure about whether to trust the information or not 7. wonder about my intentions 8. wonder about the impact on the relationship and on them self if they obey and if they don’t obey 9. creating a hostile environment into which it is difficult to give feedback, ask for clarification, be equal 10. etc.

Instead, lead with intent that is selflessly benevolent to the other person: I want you to do well, so I care if something bad happens to you. I an concerned that if you do that, a unfortunate etc. thing will happen to you, which I don’t want.  So my solution to the situation is to do this because given my experience etc. will happen. What do you think?

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Conquering Fear

http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/how-to-conquer-fear-4-mental-tricks.html  To conquer fear, focus on courage and the payoff rather than the fear.  This is an exercise in controlling your mind and controlling your thoughts and controlling your emotions.  Choose to be courageous and strive for success. However, it’s important to recognize the practical use of fear: it’s an emotion designed to protect you from danger.  Don’t mistake fear for prudence. Be prudent.

Use fears to keep you out of trouble,  but don’t let fears deter you from goals when the fears are invalid. Use your intelligent mind to determine whether the fear you are experiencing is valid in preventing you from getting hurt, or whether it’s mis-applied by your reptilian brain and can be logically and safely ignored.

An example is a fear of people.  If you were abused or bullied, it’s natural to develop a fear of people as a result of such experiences.  However, it’s important to recognize that what you want is a fear of the specific individuals who harmed you, and avoiding those specific individuals is key to future success.  That’s the practical side of fear.  The impractical side of fear is avoiding all people, including those who aren’t going to hurt you.  In those instances, it’s important to use your intelligent mind to recognize that the situation is different, and use courage and optimism to overcome that fear of people and develop meaningful connections with good people.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/15/conquering-fear_n_3909020.html

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5lzs3j/what_question_do_you_hate_to_answer/dbzopca/

http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-Domestic-Violence

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