Category Archives: Thoughts On Life

Unique and Interesting Observations or Perspectives

Choose Love because Pain is Guaranteed

  • The Fallacy of Protection
    • In Spiderman No Way Home (Spoilers) everyone forgets who Peter is at the end of the movie, so Peter has a choice: to let them back into his life or not. He chooses not to let them into his life to protect him. Watching this scene today I had a revelation.
    • You think that by not involving your loved ones in your life you can spare them pain caused by you. But the truth is, life is suffering. If they don’t experience pain caused by you, it will be caused by something else. The pain will never go away. So if they can have pain and also love, then don’t rob them of love. Give them love to ease the pain that will come anyway. 

Do not shy away from love because of the pain. Pain is guaranteed. Love isn’t. Take every chance you have at love because it’s not guaranteed to come again.

Wisdom from Sep 2023 Part 1

  • Look at failure as a good thing because “If you aren’t failing, you aren’t even trying.” – Denzel Washington.
    • The story that illustrates this is: In the city of Oxford there was a flood during a rainstorm and the water rose slowly. A boy’s foot was stuck in a grate and as the water rose he drowned despite everyone trying to save him. The lesson is: cut off the foot and live. Sometimes you must cut off some part of yourself in order to grow and live.
  • Only take advice that applies to your specific circumstances.
    • Their advice will most likely work when they truly understand your perspective. Ask them to describe your perspective and verify if what they say matches with what you see. If they do not understand your perspective, then it’s possible they would have given different advice had they seen your full perspective.
    • Sometimes they are wiser and you can’t see what they see. If you trust they know better you can take their advice even if you don’t feel like they understand your perspective.
  • Live with conviction.
    • Ashoka the Disney+ TV Show Episode 5
    • If life gets hard, a firm conviction will drive you forward and a weak conviction will give up or slow down.
  • Warning: If you show vulnerability without setting expectations, you will not receive the love and support you are looking for. The default reaction to vulnerability in this world is judgment and rejection.
    • If you are tired, do not show it. Excuse yourself and go rest in private. When in public, stay energetic and keep your guard up.
    • As a loose rule, spend at least 100 hours with someone in many different situations over at least a 9 month period before you even think about letting your guard down. Judge their character to see if they are someone who will take advantage of people who show weakness or protect people who show weakness.
    • Ask for permission before you engage in comfortable silence the first few times. Most people will feel uncomfortable if you fall silent without giving a reason, especially the first time you do it. Once you’ve explicitly gotten permission for comfortable silence several times, it’s safer because they’ve gotten to know you and you’ve gotten to know them.
    • When you are investing in personal development, think of yourself like a construction project. When buildings undergo construction, they fence off the area and put warning signs so observers know what to expect and don’t walk into the construction site to cause problems. Do the same thing for yourself figuratively: put up boundaries to protect yourself while you work on yourself.
      • If someone can’t see the vision of what you’re building, evict them from your construction site. Don’t let them hurt you from the inside while your walls are down. They may say discouraging words like it won’t work or you don’t know what you’re doing. Don’t listen to uninvited guests. You have your architect plans already. Don’t be swayed by critics who don’t have the context. Especially do not listen to critics who don’t have education, certification, or context on your needs, wants, and situation. 
  • Reflect on how you relate to the world in addition to how you relate to people. Have a good relationship with everything, not just everyone.
    • Greet the act of “waking up” gently like a person. Greet the act of “going to sleep” gently like a person. Etc.
    • In every moment you have a relationship with the world around you. Cherish it and act respectfully.
  • Protect your time, energy, and emotions by avoiding close minded conversations
    • A healthy discussion involves two sides listening and understanding each other’s point of view. Sometimes people only want you to agree, or they only want to speak and not to listen. In those cases, don’t waste your breath explaining your position, and politely minimize your time in a one-sided conversation.
  • Leave a good impression with everyone you meet.
    • Ensure the end feels good to both people.
    • If someone disrespects you, do not let it slide. Call it out and defend yourself.
      • Don’t give someone else the power to judge whether you are worthless. Remember, they are only one person with one perspective and there are many people and many perspectives. Remember they have imperfect information.
    • Assert yourself and control your narrative by verbalizing your perspective.
      • I used to feel and be helpless when others imposed their judgements and opinions of me on me. I learned to talk back and assert myself by describing what I think and how I see it and why. If you explain your perspective in a relatable and reasonable way with logic, then others cannot refute your position as a reputable person.
  • Encouragement: You are more than this.
    • You are more than just __<insert negative thought>__. 
    • You are greater and bigger than this small task.
    • Remember, you are more.
  • Do not prioritize other people’s happiness over your own. Especially do not prioritize someone’s happiness if they do not prioritize your happiness in return.
  • Actively manage your relationship with people you defeat.
    • People don’t like to lose. In general, strangers forget but family and friends remember. Check in with the people who lost and do what you reasonably can do to make them happy with your victory. Do not win and leave them behind: they will despise you for that behavior.
  • Be kind, be gentle, be nurturing, be warm.
    • Do not ask yourself to achieve the impossible and then blame and shame yourself for failing the impossible. If it was someone else, how would you give him or her patience and time to work and learn. 
  • Copy what works. There’s no need to re-invent the wheel. 

If you aren’t failing, you aren’t trying.

This is a reminder to celebrate your failures as courage, bravery, and boldness. You tried to do something you weren’t certain of succeeding at. Good for you! Some people never even try. Some people only do things they are good at. Some people live the same safe lives every day.

I love this positive perspective on failure because it encourages you to keep going and removes shame and guilt from the situation. It celebrates your willingness to try new things. It reminds you of the beautiful vision you had in the first place that caused you to act at all.

I got this reminder from Denzel Washington’s 3 reasons on why you should take risks: