Monthly Archives: January 2014

Activity or Social Event: Understand your Motivations for Going Out

Context

Are you going to the event to socialize, meet friends or new people?  Or are you going to the event for the activity: sports, concert, etc.  Which one you choose changes your priorities: in the former, you’re there to converse with other people, in the latter you’re there to enjoy yourself, and others if you feel like it.

Beware of mistaking a social event for an activity event and vice versa: you may end up disappointed.  If you want to ice skate, but no-one will go with you, but you also want to see someone you know, then schedule two events: go ice skating (activity event), then hang out with someone (social event), or hang out, then go ice skating.

Timescales

Staying Grounded

Time is a great way to put things in perspective.

In Relationships:  If I have a doctor’s appointment from 11AM to 12PM, I’m busy. If I don’t answer you, I’m not ignoring you, I just have stuff to do. So if I don’t see you for a day or two, it might be just we both had stuff to do. The more busy we are, the harder it is to line up schedules, so I might not see you for a week. If people are that busy, it might time to plan something to ensure, if you want to, everyone can meet up.  Sometimes, plans don’t work because emergencies happen. I only get worried about the relationship when either the excuses to not meet up are fake, or there’s no desire to meet up. As long as those two things aren’t true, then I don’t worry about the relationship: the relationship is fine, it’s just that life is getting in the way.  With patience and time, you will meet again.

In Failure: Just because I failed today, doesn’t mean I will tomorrow.  Everyone makes mistakes during the learning process, with patience and time, you will improve your chances for success!

In Regret: Another opportunity will come

Dealing with Peer Pressure

Social Anxiety

Be true to yourself: If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.

They may judge you for it, let them.  What does it matter if they judge you?  If they are your friends, they’ll accept you anyway.  If they are rational people, they’ll accept you anyway.  If someone likes oranges but not apples, are you going to peer pressure them into eating apples?  Why?  They are entitled to their own preferences.  Whatever you’re being pressured to do is the same thing: if you don’t want to, don’t do it.

However, if everyone there is doing it, and they aren’t welcoming to you, then perhaps you don’t belong there.  Don’t mistake this for a lack of self worth (see Common Misconceptions about Self Worth).  If you’re on a basketball court with people playing basketball, don’t read a book: get off the court.  The time and place sets the activity: come back in an hour when there’s no-one playing basketball, and you are free to read a book on the court.

At the same time, don’t invent rejection: if there is no reason to believe that you aren’t wanted there, then it’s fine for you to stay! The only question is if you want to.  Here’s an article on how to avoid Fears Due to Imagination