Monthly Archives: February 2014

Keeping Conversations Light, Fun, Interesting

Follow the 3 Ss: Be Stupid, Spontaneous, and Sporadic. Wherever your brain takes you, filter it for appropriateness: if it’s appropriate, say it regardless of how weird or strange it is (again, we assume it’s appropriate), because it will make the scene more interesting.

Stupidity is necessary because logic is boring: who wants to be told things they already know, and have things explained that they could explain themselves?  When you’ve run out of new material to explore, create new material out of what you already know: be stupid.  This way, you find new things to talk about, and new things the other people don’t already know and haven’t already thought about, are interesting.

Spontaneous is needed because a natural progression of the conversation is much more welcome than a forced progression, and you never know when you’ll have an inspiration for another topic.  If we’re talking about cats, and you start talking about mice, people in the conversation may want to know how you got to mice.  If you say it’s because cats typically chase mice and cats remind you about mice, then everyone understands how you reached the new topic, and they accept the change in conversation.  If instead you say you thought of mice and want to talk about it, you are saying two things: 1. I’m here to talk about what I want to talk about, and 2. I don’t respect or care for your conversation, or your approval of conversation topics: I’m just going to introduce things selfishly.  (Tip: If you do want to force a topic change, use the conversation transition “Can we talk about mice now?”  If they say yes, proceed, if they say no, you are being rude by proceeding.  Read about Conversation Transitions).

Sporadic makes the downtime interesting. If you are predictable, people will get used to your tangents and its effect on making the conversation more lively will diminish.  If no-one knows when you’re going to say something next, then there’s suspense as a result of people’s anticipation of your comments.  However,  you should not hijack the conversation and just spit out a stream of random comments because, unless you’re a skilled comedian, it will stop being entertaining.  Therefore, you should switch between being normal, and being a source of creativity for the conversation.

Another thing your comments do is create tension between what everyone was talking about, and the new outrageous thing you are talking about.  This tension sparks compare and contrast within the minds of all its participants, which can trigger inspiration within other people’s mind, therefore progressing the conversation and engaging everyone in the conversation: the mark of a good conversation.

I like to watch talk shows like David Letterman and Craig Ferguson, who are conversational geniuses (note that Ferguson has a late night audience so he will pander towards more inappropriate humor).

Other tips are to: create scenes, create EMOTION: people like stories, and stories need emotion. Create tension randomly, then dispel it equally randomly. The three Ss’ will keep your conversations interesting, and you’ll learn the proper balance of over the top creativity and normalcy with practice.

Check out more Conversation Resources

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Improve Your Life with Facial Expressions

 “Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important” – Janet Lane

Facial expressions set the tone for people’s interaction with you.  A good facial expression will influence people to respond positively to you, which in turn will make you happy and continue to have a positive facial expression.  A bad facial expression will turn people off and they will react more coldly to you, which in turn will sustain your bad mood and self-fulfilling facial expression prophecy.  To understand how important it is, let’s see what it’s like from the receiving end of a facial expression:

“How are you?”  It is hard to tell whether this person is asking politely, or if they actually care about the answer.  We also don’t know what mood this person in.  Without a facial expression or an indication of emotion, you don’t have enough information and that makes it difficult to answer the question.

🙂 “How are you?” A smile gives the impression that the person is happy to see you and actually wants to know how you’re doing.

😕 “How are you?”  A confused face or no emotion could feel like the person is unsure of him or herself, probably doesn’t care about the answer, and probably wouldn’t know what to do with an honest answer anyway, so you’re less likely to spend the time and energy needed to give a heartfelt response.

😡 “How are you?”  This gives the impression that the person is mad at us, or the person is unhappy and upset right now for other reasons.  However, depending on our relationship, it may be unfair for this person to direct their negative energy at us with their facial expression, it may drive people away.  Alternatively, if this person is with friends, it’s a good thing because it is a clear call for help.

Not only does the facial expression set the tone of the reaction, but by setting the tone it influences the reaction, and if you want to have a good life, it’s best to influence a positive reaction rather than a negative reaction.  Use this both in your real life, and your online life, and enjoy the improvements to your life! 🙂

Tinney Davidson is an elderly woman who waves and smiles at students who walk by her home on their way to school, every day.  Her simple act brightened the day for the students, and became a source of consistent happiness for the community.  This news story about her impact demonstrates the power a smile, and therefore facial expressions, can have.

Resources

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Conversation Transitions

This is a running list of good Conversation Transitions to use: more are added as they are found or suggested in the comments below.

Yes. And _____.

Speaking of *Old Topic*, *New Topic*.

I can relate to that, I too/also _____.

My take on ______ is ______.

I’d love to stay longer, but it’s getting late and I *insert legitimate reason* [need to work tomorrow].

“Hear me out” is less defensive than “Let me explain”

“Can we talk about ____?” To shift the conversation topic without making others feel like you are forcing and hijacking the conversation, which is an abrupt and disrespectful thing to do: you are forcing your personal desires onto everyone else.

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