Monthly Archives: March 2017

When You Don’t Get Back What You Put In

https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/614eew/lpt_genuinely_caring_about_somebody_a_lot_does/

Something I’ve learned over the years is that there are some people who take and don’t give back, or they give back significantly less than what they get.  There are people who stay even with you: they give back what you give them.  Then there are people who just give whenever they can, without keeping track of what you’ve given them.

Therefore, the sooner you recognize what category of person you are dealing with, the sooner you can adjust your own strategy accordingly.

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Rich Vs. Poor: Cutting People Out of Your Life

-> Scroll to gray text for intense story of a daughter whose grandma abused her https://imgur.com/gallery/cbWhU

Most people are taught that family is important, and that family and parents should be prioritized.  At the same time, people are taught to cut out bad people from their life.

Poor people are statistically more likely to have bad people in their life, and traditionally it is the parents, because if the parents were good they probably would have done better and wouldn’t be poor.  Thus, poor children have bad parents.  Imagine having someone who is in charge of your life, who constantly ruins your life.  Try succeeding in that environment.

The rich are taught to cut out bad people from their life, and this usually means they lose friends.  But for the poor? They have to learn how to cut out family members in order to move on and have a better life. They have to make a harder choice, and overcome a much more difficult obstacle than the rich in order to succeed in life.

 

Rich: have the luxury and means to cut people out of their life who are bad.

Poor: Even if they want to cut out bad people from their life, they don’t have the resources to.  Chances are the cops won’t protect them in their poor neighborhood, and they don’t have the money to fight back or move away from the persecutor.  So they are stuck.

 

Read more about articles in the Rich vs. Poor Series here.

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An article from HowToLive on Focusing on Process over Result

It seems like the best way to reach a desired result would be to focus on that result, try to move toward it, and judge each attempt by how closely you approximate it. But actually that approach is far from optimal. If you focus your attention and effort less on the results you’re hoping for and more on the processes and techniques you use, you will learn faster, become more successful, and be happier with the outcome.

By default we tend to be forward-looking, goal-pursuing, results-focused. Why? Because we’re wired for a discontentment with the present and a striving for a better future. Because results are easier to measure and evaluate than processes. Because we know others judge us based on results and we tend to care too much what others think.

But focusing on process rather than outcome is a much better strategy. Why?

  • It eliminates the noise of external factors. Success can follow a flawed effort and failure can follow a flawless effort. In those cases, judging performance by outcome will reinforce the wrong techniques. You’ll achieve mastery of a new skill more quickly if you can learn to detect those cases and reinforce the correct processes whether or not they happened to lead to the desired outcome in that instance.
  • It encourages experimentation. When you’re wholly focused on a specific desired result, you’re less willing to try long shots, less inclined to experiment, less open to serendipity, and less likely to stumble on an even better outcome than the one you were aiming for
  • It lets you enjoy the process more. Life is lived in the present, not the future, and happiness is a process, not a place. Focusing on process will let you engage more deeply with the present and experience it more fully, which will help you learn faster and experience life more completely.
  • It puts you in control. You have only partial control over whether you reach a specific external goal. But you have complete control over the process you use. Whether you give your best effort is entirely within your power. An internal locus of control leads to empowerment, higher self-esteem, and success, all of which contribute meaningfully to life satisfaction.
  • It lets you enjoy and benefit more from whatever outcome does occur. In the long run things rarely turn out the way we expect them to. If your happiness is predicated on your success, and if your success is predicated on a specific outcome, you are setting yourself up for a high likelihood of frustration and disappointment. If you instead let go of the need for any particular outcome, you increase your chances for success and contentment. It’s fine to desire a certain outcome; just don’t make your happiness contigent on it. Instead, derive happiness from knowing that you gave every attempt your best effort.
  • It will give you confidence. Not confidence that you’ll succeed in the current attempt, but confidence that you’re on the right path to mastery. You’ll worry less about the future because you’ll know that you’ll be happy regardless of the outcome of any given situation or event. You’ll be more free to get out of your comfort zone, to be spontaneous and take risks. And being unattached to a specific outcome means you won’t be needy, or get upset when things don’t go as you had hoped. The more you focus on process over outcome, the more confident you’ll become, and there’s nothing more attractive than confidence.

So how can you focus on process over outcome?

  •  Don’t pursue the rewards directly, trust that they will come. Focus on the process with diligence and effortful study, and let the outcome take care of itself.
  • Stop worrying about what others will think of your performance.
  • View each attempt as merely practice for the next attempt.
  • Choose for yourself how to rate your performance. Rate yourself based on the effort, not the outcome. Don’t try to win today, try to become a winner. Be happier when your best effort results in defeat than when a weak effort results in victory. Determine what your best effort would look like, and then make it happen.
  • Bring awareness to your performance, either during or immediately after it, so you can learn to identify when bad results follow good processes, and vice-versa. With practice you will build the confidence needed to avoid second-guessing yourself when the results are bad but your technique is good.

Read more: http://www.howtolive.com/focus-on-process-not-outcome/#ixzz4INZgyC4q