Don’t lose the skill of describing what you want to other people.

I came from an abusive background where people ignored my requests. Every time I described what I wanted, I would either be yelled at or ignored, so I eventually learned to not describe what I want. As the years went on, I gradually lost the ability to describe what I want. I even stopped asking myself what I wanted at all.

When I moved to a healthy environment with people who were supportive and helpful, I struggled. They wanted to help me, but they didn’t know what I wanted from them and I forgot how to communicate what I want.

I started to relearn how to communicate what I wanted with baby steps.

Each of the following stages took me many attempts to learn before I could progress to the next step.

1. I remembered to listen to my feelings at all after suppressing them for so long.
2. I would get people’s attention when I wanted something by making a noise or taking an action.
3. I would let them know the reason I wanted their attention is because I want something.
4. I would try to describe what I want, and I would be misunderstood, and I would not get what I want, but at least in this step, people were trying to give me what I want.
5. I would describe what I want accurately, and people would help me get it or direct me to others who can help me get it.

If you find yourself not getting what you want like I did, ask yourself if you are stuck in steps 2-4 where you are trying to communicate what you want, but you are actually communicating that you want something, but not what it is you want.

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