All posts by Solomon

Choose Carefully Who You Share Your Story With

Life Advice, Life Lessons, Life Skills, Relationships

I want to be understood, so I try to build genuine authentic relationships based on the full truth of my life. Doing so has gotten me deeply hurt because I opened myself up. I’ve learned to be selective with who I share my full truth with, and I advise you do the same.

After many years, I’ve learned some people consistently respond nicely, some people respond based on the mood they are in, and some people always respond rudely. Some people can be trusted with the information, and some people will use that information to hurt you with it.

To protect yourself, don’t share your inner most stories with people who don’t deserve to hear it.  When I tell it to the wrong person and they invalidate me and criticize and attack me and take the other side, it hurts me deeply and causes me much mental and emotional anguish which I can avoid by not telling them the story.  Keep track of how they have responded in the past and if they consistently hurt you, do not reach out to them again.

Choosing the right person to open up to is especially important in a time of need. Don’t set yourself up for failure and pain by trusting the wrong person at the wrong time. Learn to protect yourself and keep your story to yourself. Accept the world as it is and act accordingly. 

I used to want to believe that the world was a safe place. I used to want to believe that people were good. I used to want to believe that I could make the world a good and safe place by acting as if it was. I realize now that is living in denial and causing me self-harm. The facts and data show the world is not safe and there are people who are not good, so to ignore this is to live in denial. Living in denial, opening up myself to people who are hurtful to me just harms myself, and self harm is not good.

In conclusion: be selective in who you open up to. Find the good people over time and hold onto them.

You must seek and attain your own self approval

Life Advice, Mental Health

To unlock happiness and confidence, you must seek and attain your own self approval. Whatever approval you are seeking from others, realize that who you are really seeking it from is yourself. So give yourself the approval that you are looking for so that you can be at peace with joy and have love for yourself. Then you can present yourself wholly and accurately and proudly as you are to others and be unaffected by their judgment. Whether their judgment is to approve or not approve, you will be happy because you have your own self approval.

Excessive vanity may be a sin, but a life without any vanity is a miserable life indeed. When no-one believes in you, you have to be there to believe in yourself.

Seek and attain your own self approval.

Look inward, and the outward will come.

Just because you are the one giving the approval, doesn’t mean you need to give it for free. Make yourself work for your own approval. Set a standard for yourself, don’t settle and cut corners for yourself. Be firm. The joy you will experience when you meet a firm standard is greater than when you meet a weak standard. At the same time, accepting where you are at the present is critical to having the strength to work on meeting that firm standard.

There is a difference between accepting and approving. Accepting is a lower standard than approving. Accept yourself as you are, love yourself as you are. Work hard to gain your own approval: the work you put in will make the approval that much more fulfilling.