There are many different kinds of respect that often times are mistake for the same thing.  Here is a list of the different kinds of respect.  It is important to realize that the criteria for awarding each kind of respect varies from person to person.

Human Respect: the respect due to someone for simply being a human being.

• Some people believe a level of politeness, human rights, and manners should be rewarded for all humans.
• Some people don’t believe in human respect, and will disrespect you unless you earn the below alternative forms of respect

Deference: the respect due to personal values

• Awarded when someone embodies the values and principles that you believe in
• Example: Some people/cultures/societies value age, so older people are given deference.  Some people value youth, so youth is given deference.  Someone who is the same religion or political party as you.
• You can respect someone for having something (possession [winning lottery ticket]) or for being able to do something (action [can jump 5 ft]).

Command Respect: the respect achieved by force

• Social status, strength, fear, threat

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It is important to have the right kind of motivation, because motivation dictates both a destination, and the path to that destination.  The reason I said destination and not goal is because most times you don’t fully understand the influence a motivation will have on you, and so while you might think it will take you to a goal, in reality it may take you somewhere else, and I’m naming that somewhere else the destination.  Studying other people’s motivations, circumstances, and destinations will help you to learn to pick the right motivation to take you to the right destination.  Often times, you need to switch busses or planes along the way: one motivation will get you to a destination that positions you to chain another motivation after it, and so on, in order to get to your actual goal.

Operant Conditioning offers a way to classify motivations with the following concepts: positive means something is added, negative means something is taken away, and reinforcement means you want to promote a behavior, punishment means you want to reduce a behavior.

Stress and pressure are forms of negative reinforcement: upon finishing the task, the stress and pressure is taken away.

Rewards are positive reinforcement: upon finishing the task, you are given something.

A spanking is a positive punishment: upon breaking the law, you are given a spanking.

Going to jail is negative punishment: upon breaking the law, your rights are taken away.

Dangerous motivations (stay away from these) that are more destructive than helpful in that they may damage mental and emotional health, which reduces achievement in the long run.

• Reducing Self Worth as negative punishment: when you fail, you lose self worth.  Instead, it’s OK to temporarily lose self-esteem, but don’t lose self worth (What is Self Worth).
• Stress and pressure as negative reinforcement: relax (Guide to Handling Emotions and Problems), focus on the rewards from positive reinforcement instead: success, excitement, happiness in anticipation, etc.
• Punishment as positive punishment: I used to set up punishments for bad results to motivate me to succeed.  The problem with punishments is that it harms you and weakens you: if there is a way to motivate yourself without causing more work, then that way is the better one.  There is: positive reinforcement.

Resources

Self Improvement: Part 1: Mindset and Logic, Part 2: Planning, Part 3: Decision Making

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Comic on Life

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• Dangers of getting over-influenced by external rankings: Our value systems get screwed up when we see others, because then we start to compare ranks, which ruins the enjoyment and pleasure of what we have.
  • For example, I thought what my wife/husband did for me was wonderful, until I found out that someone else did something better.  The knowledge that someone else did something better makes me feel like my wife/husband isn’t as good as that other one who did the better thing.  
  • Tiger Woods: Standards for Dating.  Tiger gets caught having mistresses.  For couples everyone (credit Craig Ferguson), guys could now say, to get out of trouble, “Oh I’m sorry I forgot to take out the trash, I was too busy not cheating on you.”  This would ONLY work as an acceptable excuse if people judged their partner based on their objective rank within the grand scheme of society, or even just against other people they knew.  This is not the purpose of love: you should judge the person based on your own view of that person: you accept them or you don’t, work it out or you don’t.  It’s not a competition or comparison with other people.  Imagine if there was a running life rank of how great a husband or wife you were, would you let that rank dictate how much you should love your partner? I hope not. 

The above bullets are quoted from External Awareness

The State of Contemporary Love – Yann Dall’Aglio discusses the nature of love and value, and proposes a solution.

Howard’s Song to Bernadette – The Big Bang Theory CBS

Stories of Love – Quora

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