Category Archives: Life Advice

How to Become a Morning Person

Life Advice

Chances are, if you say you’re not a morning person, it’s probably because you wake up feeling bad; you’re cranky, slow, lethargic, etc.  Waking up this way doesn’t actually mean you’re not a morning person: it actually means you did not get a good night’s sleep.  It does not mean that you’re not born to be a morning person, so much as it means you have the habits and/or a lifestyle that results in you not getting enough hours of sleep.  This is typically due to going to bed late or not resting enough for how much you’ve been working.  You should be aware that if you had a particularly exhausting day, or series of days, then it may take several days of good sleep for you to recover–waking up tired is a sign that your body needs rest, not a sign that you’re not meant to wake up early.  

The solution is therefore to go to sleep earlier and get the rest that your body is telling you that you need.  Some people think this is an impossible task, but here’s one reason why it’s not: If you fly to another country in a different timezone, you may start off feeling horrible and jet lagged, but eventually, after days, weeks, months at most, you will adapt to the new timezone.

Adjusting your natural sleep and wake up time is like traveling to another timezone, without actually traveling: you need to shift your habits and decision making, and act like it’s 1AM when it’s 11PM. Instead of setting an alarm in the morning to forcefully interrupt your body’s resting period and wake up, set an alarm for 15 min before you want to go to sleep, and when that alarm rings, go into your pre-sleep routine, shutting down all distractions, and wind down the day to go to sleep.  This will allow you to wake up naturally, and improve your overall health.  I like to write down how many hours of sleep I get per day, so if I see a few days go by of not enough sleep, I’ll be sure to schedule in some more time for sleep to make up for it.  (Approximate sleep needs are: Adults, 7-9 hours; 10-17 yr olds, 8.5-9.25; 5-10 yr olds, 10-11 hours.  Try to sleep in 1.5 hour increments, as that’s how long your sleep cycles last, read more )

Getting to sleep early is difficult.  It is a battle between the short term gratification of staying up late and the desire for a healthy improved life.  Winning this battle has two stages, first you have to decide that sleep is a priority, so that given ideal circumstances and self control, you actually want to choose sleep over whatever fun options may be available. You have to want to become a morning person; the reason you want it can be anything, but the fact that you want it needs to be there.  Next, you use self awareness, will power, and self control to make the choice to sleep when the time comes.

In the end, modifying your routine and waking up early is worth it for several reasons: 1. because you’re getting enough sleep, you’re healthier, physically as well as mentally and emotionally.  2. You’re waking up naturally or very close to when you would wake up naturally, so you feel well rested instead of exhausted when you wake up.  3. On the rare days that you wake up unusually early, you get to jump start your day and be extremely productive before the time you or anyone else is usually awake.  It also comes with another advantage: “Take an extra hour for yourself in the morning. Work will just be part of your day, rather than the reason you got out of bed.” – Actual Advice Mallard (link here)

Read my resource to Understand Sleep next!

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Life Lessons Jan 2014

Conversation, Friendships, Life Advice, Life Lessons, Social Skills
Relationships
  • Insecure about friendships.  In the past when I met friends of friends, I would think to myself: who is this enemy trying to steal my friend.  But now that I have relationship security (read How to Make Friends), I know I don’t need to worry.  I am instead happy that my friend found friends to hang out with while I was away or unable to hang out, and I’m excited to meet new people who might be potential friends and who I like because they have the social capital of being referred by a friend.
  • Organizations and clubs and activities facilitate the development of relationships because it takes the pressure off so it’s not like a head on direct judgment or interview.  Consistent interaction helps you get comfortable with a friend. (However, this alone is not enough to develop a relationship–willingness is needed).
  • You must give first to receive.  Looking back on a past social experiment, I am reminded that it took 3 months of hard work, caring about other people and thinking hard about every interaction and relationship development with them, before I started getting any returns at all from my investment: 3 months for someone to take initiative to invite me or something, ONCE.  After that, it took chance occurrences for bonding to occur, serendipitous interaction at the right moment and context.
Lessons From the Retirement of Jay Leno: We can see what is valuable from what guests thank him for.
  • Louis C.K. says Jay calls every time something good happens to Louis to congratulate him.
  • Leslie Mann thanks him for being an entertainer, someone to rely and depend on to cheer up at the end of the day. To look forward to seeing, because Jay brightens up someone’s life.
  • Personalized Gifts (Ellen does this too)
  • Promoting someone’s work, country music artist thanks Jay for doing that for him and his industry.
Responsibility in Relationships, Conversations, and Dance
I had a meeting with a mentor where we discussed this website and its goal of improving relationship health in America, and he mentioned that one of the ways he gauges whether people care about him or not is whether they ask how he’s doing.  So rarely is that simple conversation ice breaker used properly (see http://youtu.be/vc-e-T39Z80); if an honest answer IS given, whether follow up questions are asked is another measure of care.
This is why asking questions is recommended by many conversation and relationship guides for starting out: by asking many questions about the other person it makes the other person feel cared for.  Therefore they may open up and feel closer to you because they have revealed so much–they know you know a lot about them.
Recapping the discussion, I noticed that what he said was true: going into the meeting, my goal was the be strictly business and have my site evaluated by an experienced businessman and investor.  I spent most of my time cutting him off and trying to get in sales pitches, to speak up and say things rather than sit back and listen to him talk; whenever he would talk about something I would think about how I could add to the conversation and instead talk about myself: I didn’t give him room to add to the conversation himself, nor did I ask him to expand on many topics.  This is how you make people feel used.
One of the questions I struggled with during my entire relationship with this mentor is knowing what are the limits and the boundaries: is this relationship business only, life only, or what balance?  Well, the answer came to me when I recalled my mindset towards conversations: Just like it is your responsibility to take the conversation where you want it to go, either making it superficial or deep, it is your responsibility to make the relationship into what you want it to be.  And in both instances, be observant of indications that you have crossed a boundary and respectful of the set boundaries.
#LessonsFromPartnerDance Someone needs to take lead and direct it, you can’t have two followers or both will be confused about the other’s intentions (because there are none!) and go nowhere.
Transparency and Communication, Trust and Suspicion
I went on a retreat recently, and on this retreat I played the game Resistance, where some people are good and some people are bad, and the good players try to find out who the bad players are.  I learned from this game that people who explain their reasoning for accusations are more trustworthy than people who don’t, because we understand them and feel like we know them and what they are thinking, while people who do NOT explain themselves are suspicious because we don’t know what they are thinking and therefore have more reasons to suspect that they are up to no good.
The same thing applies to relationships: communicate your feelings! Be honest about what you are doing, vulnerable in sharing: explain yourself, reveal yourself, to have a chance at trust, one of the foundations for a strong relationship.
Life Advice
  • Just because it is Friday doesn’t mean you need to stay out late. #YoungPeopleLogic
  • Socializing requires good health. Fatigue and bad nutrition give your body a bad mix of chemicals and robs you of energy and mental health, which puts you in a bad state of mind.  Example, if I haven’t had a good nights sleep, worked hard so I’m exhausted, and am hungry, I’m probably going to be in a bad mood; vs. if I’m on vacation, well rested, enjoying life, I’ll be in a great mood.  This is why sometimes, say while driving, I will want to pick a fight till the end for any small thing other drivers do, while at other times I won’t let big things affect me.
  • Mistaking reactions for thinking and critical thinking is apparent in social media–quick answers and short phrases typically mean not well thought out.
  • If you want to do it, decide for YOURSELF whether you do it!  Experiment, try it and see what happens. People who judge you or call you stupid for trying are people who only ever obey, so they are channeling the correctional system they have internalized, they are people who never shook the box or were original.
  • Some problems DO go away if you ignore them (feeling awkward and self conscious), while some don’t (OTHER people feeling awkward and self conscious).

Productivity

  • It’s easier to work hard when you can see the finish line or believe and know you’re close, than when you are just starting and months or years from the success you desire to care about the small improvements you are making.  Therefore, refocus from the long term goal to the short term ones so you aren’t discouraged by how far you are from where you want to be.
  • “I’m not doing anything” is a false statement: you are choosing to do nothing. And choosing to do nothing about doing nothing.  (recursion continues)
  • Exhaustion has nothing to do with vacation or work, and 100% to do with your own responsibility for recognizing when you need rest and getting rest.
    Recognizing is self awareness.  Getting it is ability to take action on your priorities.
  • Instead of Deadlines, think in terms of of Expiration dates.  Everything naturally expires: tasks that you don’t do and you leave for later…after several days/months, the time is not right–it’s too late, life has moved on.  You never set an expiration date, but there was one anyway, you just didn’t know it.  Doing that task 4 months late…is very very ineffective: you’re not maximizing for impact when you wait until it’s the least opportune moment.
  • You can always be more well informed, with time research and resources.  However, you can never have the time back, so it’s a balance between research and development.

To achieve productivity, here are some ingredients

  1. Desire to do the activity/goal
  2. Set a deadline, so it doesn’t go forever.
  3. A short term focus or principles during working: Long term is to make a program, short term is to make it as flexible as possible for future modification, or as fast as possible without caring about future modification; etc.

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Tips for Unemployment

Life Advice

Too many unemployed people just sit at home and apply to jobs.  This often leads to boredom, depression, decay of skills, and reduced mental health.  Instead of just applying and waiting, they should also be spending time developing skills or life experience.  What’s the difference between working on something and not getting paid, and sitting at home passing time and not getting paid?  In one situation, you’re in a position to develop skills and/or place to meet people who might hire you; in the other, you’re not developing skills, and your chances of meeting an employer or someone who knows an employer is close to 0%.

Fulfill a passion or hobby you’ve always had, browse Craigslist for small jobs, work for TaskRabbit or Mechanical Turk, or walk around outside in public places and whenever you see someone who needs help, GO HELP! 1. you’ll feel great, 2. you’ll be doing good work, 3. you might get recognized and hired by people who see that you’re able to get things done for other people.

Lately, there has been an over-emphasis on how much you are paid for what you’re doing, and we have forgotten the importance and value that just doing something has: it trains skills that will become useful later, and if the skill itself isn’t useful later, the skill of training will be.  Stay in the training, in the learning, mindset, and you will be far better equipped to adapt than other people.  The idea that you would work for someone else without being paid is not valued enough. Doing so keeps you sharp so that you’re not out of practice when interviews or full-time jobs begin.

Wallowing in misery helps no-one, not even yourself.

Next, read: What is Skill, Talent, Potential, Smart, and Intelligence?

Resources

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