Self Worth is how much you are worth to yourself.  Too many people mistake self worth for your worth to the market, economy, government, other people, etc.  But that’s not self worth, that’s Market Worth, or Economic Worth, or how much Bob or Alice think you’re worth.  Self worth is how much you think you’re worth, so you are in control.  

You don’t have to be perfect to have self worth, unless you choose to make it a requirement, in which case you should realize you’ve chosen to make it impossible to have self worth.  Remember, you are your worst critic, and no-one sees as many flaws as you do, so realize you have a skewed view of your imperfections.

If you decide to value yourself based on how much wealth you have, then you have chosen to tie your self worth to money.  It doesn’t have to be, you could instead measure it based on how popular or powerful you are.  Or you could free yourself from societal or external standards, and say that you have self worth because you give yourself self worth.  You are valuable because you say so.  Then, with a secure internal mindset, you can go out into the world and try to get external value like Market Worth or Popularity Worth if you want.

Believe you can have what you want.  This idea of “deserve” only exists within certain contexts: at home, you only deserve ice cream if you finish your vegetables; working in America, you deserve one because you can pay for it it; at a business, because you have connections; etc. etc..  Getting something has two components: believing you have the self worth to have it, and an opportunity to have it.  Opportunity is partly in your control, but the belief in your self worth is definitely in your control.  You are worthy of happiness, love, friends, success, if you say so.  Whether you get it is separate–if you don’t get it, it doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of it.

Unbalanced or Lack of Self Worth can lead to depression or over compensating, or denial and delusion, so take care of your self worth!

When you’re comparing yourself with others, be kind and use context: if you’ve been playing violin for 2 years, don’t compare yourself to a professional violinist who has had a 40 year career.  Make sure your comparisons make sense, or else you’re setting yourself up for depression.

More resources that can help:

Overcome Illogical Thoughts of Insecure People

Understand Judgments

Formally expressed, Self Worth is “Who am I to myself right now in this reality?”  (Identity and Reality explained in my: Life Education Curriculum).

Misc. Thoughts

Why do I always feel ashamed of who I am? While I was religious, they taught me to be ashamed, that’s why!

The market is imperfect.  If it was perfect, then we can say that the rich are successful and the poor are unsuccessful, and justly so.  But just because someone is poor does not mean they are unsuccessful or not hard working–they could just be unlucky.  Don’t think the system’s evaluation system is reliable, or accurate even.

A few days ago I talked to a friend and that friend told me I’m normal: Yay!  and I’ve been feeling more and more normal ever since I was told that.  See, I used to always think I was different, but I never asked around to find out from other people whether they thought I was different or normal.  If you ask around and they do think you’re different, embrace it I say, but if it’s detrimental than perhaps move to a different place: a fish is normally in water, not normally in the sky, so if you’re a fish in the sky, find water.

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Almost everyone struggles to answer this question at some point in their life, and it is a difficult one, but I can make it easier.  To understand how to answer this question and define ourselves, let’s explore how we define others.  Let’s try to define Bob in the following scenario:

Action: Bob spills milk onto Alice.

Bob’s point of view

Intention: ? I won’t reveal for now

Motivation: ? I won’t reveal for now

Alice’s point of view

Perception: From her angle, Bob moved his hand to the cup, then tipped it over onto her.

Interpretation: Intentional. Malicious Intent, Malicious Motivation.

Impression: Bob wanted to ruin her day and is a bad person

Tom’s point of view

Perception: From his angle, Bob’s sleeve looked like it got caught on the table, and as he was pulling free he hit the cup and spilled the milk.

Interpretation: Accident. Benign Intent, Benign Motivation.

Impression: Tom thinks Bob is a clumsy person for not planning ahead (alternate: Tom forgives Bob’s legitimate mistake and makes no note of it)

Aftermath

1. Bob says “sorry it was an accident” and Tom will confirm this.

2. Bob doesn’t want to be seen as clumsy, and has a poor idea of what is badass, so he’ll say “word” and end up looking like a jerk.

Reception of Bob’s explanation (#1)

Alice: Correct’s her view of Bob from bad person to clumsy, or chooses not to believe it and maintains her original view.

Tom: confirms his conclusion that Bob is clumsy.

Reception of Bob’s explanation (#2)

Alice: Confirms her view that Bob is a bad person.

Tom: Is amazed at how badass Bob is.

We as humans understand our world by giving things identities.  In the example above, we saw how Bob is assigned an identity by everyone he meets, because identity is a subjective human concept used to rationalize and understand the world.  These subjective identities are formed independently: Alice defines Bob as a bad person, Tom defines Bob as a badass person.  Who is Bob depends on who you ask.

But what if you ask some 3rd party capable of universal, objective truth: Who is Bob?  Is Bob a bad person, or a clumsy person?  That 3rd party, let’s call Truth, would take a look at the life of Bob:

• When he was 8, Bob was messing around with Alice his sister while Tom his Father looked on.
• When he was 18, Bob was not good at flirting with his crush Alice while his wingman Tom looked on.
• When he was 28, Bob was at his first formal business meeting with Alice and Tom and hadn’t gotten used to wearing suits and dress shirt sleeves.

OK, so Bob’s true identity to Truth seems to change with time: when Bob was 8, he was just a kid who was inconsiderate of others; when Bob was 18, he was considerate but unskilled; when Bob was 28, he was clumsy because he had new clothes on. There is no timeless answer.  We could try to find a timeless answer, and for instance decide that Bob is the identity he spends the most time in: if he spends 25 years as a bad person and then 3 years as a clumsy person, he must be a bad person.  However, this definition breaks down because what if for the next 25 years he remains clumsy and ends up having 28 years as clumsy during his life: you judged too soon!  Or, what if for the next 20 years he remains clumsy, making it 23 years as clumsy total, and then dies: you would call him a bad person overall, but anyone who met Bob in the last 23 years of his life would say he’s not a bad person, he’s just clumsy.  A timeless answer looses information about Bob: it is more accurate to say that he spent 25 years as a bad person, and then 23 years as a clumsy person, than to just say that Bob is a bad person, and that’s his only identity.

To summarize, Bob’s identity varies based on 1. who’s talking and 2. the time in question.  Bob’s identity is also due to 3. the context of the situation.  The context of the situation is why we are more willing to understand and forgive Bob’s clumsiness at age 28 if we know he’s not used to wearing sleeves, than if we didn’t know that.  Specifically, we assign the clumsiness identity to Bob if we don’t have any other reasonable detail to assign it to, while we assign the clumsiness identity to Bob’s clothing if we do have that knowledge, detail, and understanding.

Let’s return now to the original question: Who am I? Am I who I am in the past, present, or future, or am I a combination of all three?  Am I who I tell myself I am, or who someone else tells me I am?   The reason the original question “Who Am I” is so hard to answer is because it is an incomplete question.  We now know that the full question is:

“Who am I at [time] and [context] to [who]?”

Preview of future posts: Bob also has a view of himself.  He could think of himself as a badass or a clumsy person, or he could be completely oblivious to the identities Tom and Alice consider for him, and instead Bob could consider himself a son, a student, a brother, a tennis player, etc.  Bob’s view of himself has no effect on Truth’s view of Bob.  In fact, Truth is just a set of judging criteria that someone, God, Bob, Tom, or you, use to attempt to bring objectivity to a subjective situation.  Truth varies by person, country, background, etc.

I will dive even deeper in my next posts: What is Reality, Truth, and Existence? and Properties of Reality and What is Logic and Judgment?  To find out when those posts, and other life education writing, are released, subscribe on the side! Follow on Twitter, on Facebook, on Google+, on Tumblr.