Category Archives: Relationships

Friendship: Drifting Apart

This year, for the first time, I spent Thanksgiving Thursday and Friday alone instead of going home and visiting friends and family like I normally would.  I chose to do this because I wanted to do some soul searching, without any external influences, and find out more about myself, so I could make some important life decisions.  On Thursday I finished my ~2 year project of sorting and processing my entire life up until today, and on Friday, I took account of my present, and mapped out my immediate future in relation to that reality.  However, while the purpose of this constructed isolation was to focus on me instead of friends and family, I ended up spending quite some time thinking about family and friends, and I realized that what I am thankful for this year, are the friends who missed me, and the friends I missed.  Here’s how I arrived at that conclusion:

While I was on my own, I would occasionally frequent Facebook, and browse through the Thanksgiving gatherings that showed up on my newsfeed, and I would wonder and reflect on my relationship with that group of people.  How we knew each other.  Why we drifted apart. What might have made things turn out differently.  But most importantly, I thought: over the last few days, some people have reached out, asking about when I’d return and if we’d hang out.  What drove those people to contact me, and the others to not?  Who are the ones I’m going to contact, and why them and not others?  The answer: those who miss me, and those I miss.

That train of thought led me to the topic of this post: of those people I miss and wonder how they’re doing, who can I comfortably contact again, and who has drifted far enough that it would seem out of the blue?  It is sad to think that former associates with whom camaraderie was had are no longer available for contact.  But it’s just part of life, that in our travels we will continue to meet more people, and the new friends we make will cause some old ones to slip away.  However, the silver lining in this is that that fact adds another dimension to how special the ones whom we can continue to connect with are, so I am extra thankful for the friends who can miss me, and the friends I can miss.

Gary Blauman – How I Met Your Mother Season 9 Episode 21 – “You will be shocked when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever.  That’s why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it. ” – Ted

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An Actor’s Perception of Reality: Behavior and Identity

Action!

You are someone else.  You communicate this with your behavior.  You act.  Sound.  Look.  Feel.  Smell.  Taste.  like someone else.  Your ability as an actor is judged by the extent to which you can hid your true being, and convince others of your alternative identity.

Cut!

You are back to “normal,” you are yourself again: the identity which was always yours is back.  Your identity was just temporarily hidden by the behavior you portrayed during the scene you acted in.

There is now a logical means for justifying a dissociation between identity and behavior.  A license for a confusing view of reality.

If I am behaviorally “mean” to you in one instance, I can say I was acting according to the environment I was in.  The meanness was an act, and not a part of my identity—I still claim to be a nice person.  If I play poorly today at tennis, I can explain it as a lack of proper preparation and warm up—environment variables—so that it does not affect my identity—as a good tennis player.

These reasonings are starting to mean less and less to me as I use them more and more.  If I “say” sleep is a priority, and then behave in such a way that shows sleep is a low priority, my claim that sleep is a priority seems to be false; and in fact IS false.  So for some things, behavior is truth.

But if I say I’m good at table tennis, then intentionally lose to someone, I am still good at table tennis.  So I have the skills, but chose not to use them.  In this case, the behavior is a lie.

One instance is not always true, neither is the other…arg, another logical truth shattered into logical ambiguity.