Category Archives: Relationships

Poor Judgment Associated with Dating

Dating

Everything from Common Relationship Mistakes and the following:

  • Not being nice does not make you mean.  Not being nice makes you neutral; being mean makes you mean.  You are not required to give the optimum response to everything, even though American Capitalist Culture stresses it.  Similarly, if someone doesn’t like you, it doesn’t mean they dislike you.
  • If someone likes money, you can’t fault them for being a bad person, just like if someone likes oranges and you hate oranges, you can’t fault them for being a bad person.  They are a bad person for the reasons that they have for liking or not liking something, and for the actions they take to get what they want–gold digging itself is not sufficient enough to make them a bad person, it is the way they go about it.
  • Do not incorrectly label someone as a player/slut; judge them for who they are (How to Judge People), rather than stereotype them.  It could be that they are like Ted Mosby from the TV Show How I Met Your mother, willing to try to fall in love over and over, a trait that is to be admired.  If they are flirty, they could just be playing the numbers game–not everyone is a match, so you need to keep trying until you find one.
  • Some people believe in a significant other in the same way people believe in God, that there exists someone else who could solve all your problems and make things wonderful for you.  Unfortunately, if that’s all you have to offer, you’re basically a charity case, where you take and aren’t secure enough to give back–a one sided relationship.  It is better to solve enough of your own problems to love yourself and be independent first, and then search for an equally mature partner.  (“A partner is a virtue of a life well lived, not something that you find to give your life meaning.” from reddit)

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How to Judge People

Life Education, Relationships

The most reliable way is to understand someone.  This is limited by their ability to hide the truth from you, and helped when you get information you trust.

The next best thing is to use all the information you gather about the Nature of Their Identity to take educated guesses as to why someone behaves the way they do.

The worst way to judge people is to use your own view of the world.  This is bad because the other person does not necessarily share your view of the world, and so you are likely to completely be wrong.  Respect different cultures.

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How to Find, Understand, Construct, Who You Are

Identity, Life Education

Find yourself: Philosophically, identity is born out of details pertaining to the same identity and descriptions of details pertaining to the same identity.  What this means is that your identity is formed out of what exists.  If you were never born and you never existed, then you have no identity.  If you’re born, then all the details associated with your birth are now a part of your identity.  As you grow up, you have life experiences which add more details to your identity.  As you interact with others, you generate more details and descriptions of details, all of which comprise your identity.  That was a long winded way of saying you create your identity by having details, and you have details by living life.  If you stay at home all day and do nothing, or every day you do precisely the exact same routine, then your identity is unchanging.  It is only when you add a detail that you grow your identity.  If you find that you don’t have an identity, it means you haven’t accumulated enough details yet, so go out and live life: that’s how you find out who you are.  (Dangerous cycle: depression -> doing nothing -> actually having no life -> feeling like no life -> depression.)

When you start, all experiences may seem foreign to you: it is difficult to distinguish between when you are acting according to what everyone else is doing, and when you are expressing yourself.  When you try something new, you can either give yourself fully to the activity and act exactly as everyone else expects you to act, so that you can get the full experience of what that kind of identity is like, or you can restrain yourself to different degrees of what you are comfortable with doing.  Anything works.

When you reflect upon your own life and it’s details, that’s how you come to understand who you are.  As you look back, you’ll see where you were willing to compromise, and where you stood your ground: those locations define who you are.

When you try to change and influence your future behavior, that’s how you construct who you are.  (The Habits You Will Form in Life)

Nature of Your Own Identity

Who am I?

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