Imply the question, instead of asking it.

Instead of asking where someone is from, say where you’re from: it’s implied that they will eventually tell you where they’re from.

Instead of asking what someone thinks of a new movie, just say: Movie X is coming out soon, or I wonder if Movie X is a good movie.  A request for a comment is implied.

Say “I’m bored” to trigger a conversation on “what should we do now?” or say “I want to [insert random action]” so there’s something to start the discussion.

Say “I like Restaurant A” instead of, do you want to eat at restaurant A?

Often, people’s conversations sound like an interview, with questions asked and answers given.  This is especially true if you’re just starting to learn the art of conversation.  By avoiding explicit questions, the answer can be more open ended, making answering easier and more interesting: they might have something to say that you didn’t think to ask, so if you asked a question, they wouldn’t be able to say that interesting comment because they would instead need to answer your question.  This also takes the pressure off the other person because it’s not a direct demand for an answer. It also protects you from the sting of rejection, because an answer isn’t required anyway!

Read 4 Ways to Beat Social Anxiety

Often times, in conversations, I find myself waiting for the “right moment” to start talking.  Perhaps that means the perfect natural pause that the participants will somehow read my mind to know I’m looking for, and react to give me what I am hoping for.  Sometimes it’s the proper amount of time to allow for a topic or an emotion to settle down throughout the group.  Other times, it’s to follow an awkward silence, or just a normal silence—do I start right away? Do I pay tribute to the awkward silence in the form of a few more seconds before I have the right to start talking…oh but wait, now I missed the moment, the tempo is off! I need to wait another natural pause off the natural awkward silence to begin talking.

Then I noticed that when I talk with friends about non-serious topics, I ignore the idea of there being a “right moment,” and I just cut in or start a conversation whenever I feel like it.  There’s minimal “measuring the situation and group” involved.  And the conversation, the interaction, and the relationship proceeds successfully.  Therefore, I want to say that in most circumstances, there is no such thing as a “right moment,” so don’t over think it, and just start talking once you have something to say.  The best way to measure whether it’s the right moment or not is to watch the reactions immediately after, and handle the aftermath: once you know you can handle the aftermath, you will no longer be afraid to trigger them, and you will be freed from having to wait for the mysterious “right moment.”