Category Archives: Social Skills

Improve Your Life with Facial Expressions

Social Skills

 “Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important” – Janet Lane

Facial expressions set the tone for people’s interaction with you.  A good facial expression will influence people to respond positively to you, which in turn will make you happy and continue to have a positive facial expression.  A bad facial expression will turn people off and they will react more coldly to you, which in turn will sustain your bad mood and self-fulfilling facial expression prophecy.  To understand how important it is, let’s see what it’s like from the receiving end of a facial expression:

“How are you?”  It is hard to tell whether this person is asking politely, or if they actually care about the answer.  We also don’t know what mood this person in.  Without a facial expression or an indication of emotion, you don’t have enough information and that makes it difficult to answer the question.

🙂 “How are you?” A smile gives the impression that the person is happy to see you and actually wants to know how you’re doing.

😕 “How are you?”  A confused face or no emotion could feel like the person is unsure of him or herself, probably doesn’t care about the answer, and probably wouldn’t know what to do with an honest answer anyway, so you’re less likely to spend the time and energy needed to give a heartfelt response.

😡 “How are you?”  This gives the impression that the person is mad at us, or the person is unhappy and upset right now for other reasons.  However, depending on our relationship, it may be unfair for this person to direct their negative energy at us with their facial expression, it may drive people away.  Alternatively, if this person is with friends, it’s a good thing because it is a clear call for help.

Not only does the facial expression set the tone of the reaction, but by setting the tone it influences the reaction, and if you want to have a good life, it’s best to influence a positive reaction rather than a negative reaction.  Use this both in your real life, and your online life, and enjoy the improvements to your life! 🙂

Tinney Davidson is an elderly woman who waves and smiles at students who walk by her home on their way to school, every day.  Her simple act brightened the day for the students, and became a source of consistent happiness for the community.  This news story about her impact demonstrates the power a smile, and therefore facial expressions, can have.

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Conversation Transitions

Conversation

This is a running list of good Conversation Transitions to use: more are added as they are found or suggested in the comments below.

Yes. And _____.

Speaking of *Old Topic*, *New Topic*.

I can relate to that, I too/also _____.

My take on ______ is ______.

I’d love to stay longer, but it’s getting late and I *insert legitimate reason* [need to work tomorrow].

“Hear me out” is less defensive than “Let me explain”

“Can we talk about ____?” To shift the conversation topic without making others feel like you are forcing and hijacking the conversation, which is an abrupt and disrespectful thing to do: you are forcing your personal desires onto everyone else.

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Understanding Your Body Image

Identity, Social Skills

People who focus on looks are often accused of being vain and shallow.  However, the wrong conclusion to draw from that is that you shouldn’t focus on looks because it makes you superficial: that’s not the whole story.  The full picture requires context (if a TV Show is looking for an actor with a certain look to play a part, it’s not shallow as much as trying to tell a story properly) and balance: If you focus on looks to the exclusion of all else, then you are imbalanced and more shallow than not, but if you use it as one of many possible metrics for judgment, then you remain balanced (A Time and Place for Judgement).  If you ignore it completely, that’s also an imbalance that isn’t good.

Taking care of your body image is tremendously important, because it influences how people treat you: whether you like the fact or not, it is still a fact that good looking people get treated better and have more advantages than less good looking people.  One example is of respect: it’s easier to command respect if you are well dressed than if you look sloppy and unkept.  You will lose a lot of time convincing people you are neat and organized that way; it is much more efficient to just show them you are–the communication is faster and more concrete and believable.  Research has also shown that psychologically, we make more positive assumptions about good looking people than not good looking people; if you make a mistake, we’ll forgive you quicker if you’re good looking than if you’re not.  If you don’t want to miss out on advantages in life, you should put some time and effort into your body image.

Some people use body image as a form of rebellion.  This is fine, I just want to say that silent rebellion is definitely the wrong way to do it: if you chose to look like something for a specific reason, nobody will know that reason unless you explain because no-one can read your mind.  If you don’t explain yourself, you are more likely going to disadvantage yourself in life, than succeed in making a protest or stand for something. (Manage Your Rebellion Intelligently)

You should also realize that body image is another form of identity (explained in Who Am I?), which means that what you think of your body is different from what each person you meet thinks of your body image.  Some will think you’re fat, others skinny, others normal.  You decide who to believe–no-one is objectively right or wrong, it’s a subjective opinion. You will also never be good looking to everyone, so don’t worry about it (in fact, it’s bad for dating if everyone thinks you’re cute: read the OK Cupid Study). Psychologically, who you think you are is heavily tied to who you were in your childhood, because that’s when you were forming your identity in the world: you can break free from that identity if you want, there’s no need to be trapped in the past.  You are constantly changing and you can guide that change if you want to.

An example of this is my story: I grew up poor and skinny from lack of food, so I never thought about or worried about being  overweight, because I figured I was underweight if anything.  However, life improved, I bought new clothes, then after a few years, I started exercising, and now none of my clothes fit–they are all two sizes too big.  This means my body image must have increased from skinny to normal, at least from the point of view to other people, but I personally never noticed.  Therefore, your body image identity to yourself really comes from within, not from what other people think or say, and what other people say only affect you if you let it–when people said I was loosing weight after I started exercising, I didn’t believe them because I didn’t think I could lose any more, but doctor’s records prove that I did.

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