2 Secrets to Better Relationships

TO have a healthy relationship,

self control

conscientiousness

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-pick-better-boyfriend-or-girlfriend

Attention span: focus. on their own life as well as during your date

delayed gratification 

planning: ability to make a plan and stick to it

achievement: finish what they start 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201109/why-dating-often-fails-and-how-you-can-succeed

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201107/6-tips-dating-success-what-you-both-want-matters

Steps:

What do you want

What will you give in return

assess dates

train dates to your preferences 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/is-your-personality-making-you-more-or-less-physically-attractive

Personality, honesty, character, values = attractiveness

Realizations July 2020

As the technology for inviting each other advanced, our invitations became more distant as well. Invitations used to be personal and in person 
Then it became a personal messenger 
Then phone call 
Then text
Then automated evite list

Vibe of Not a big deal vs. Vibe of This is a BIG DEAL . I spent too much time and energy having a stressed vibe. Instead, I should stay chill while recognizing importance in my mind instead of with my emotions and my body.

In persuasion, the harder you push someone the less likely they will be persuaded.
In a successful persuasion, the other person will pick up your idea and then do the work to develop it on their own out of their own desire and not out of your desire.
To plant a seed in another person’s mind that will persuade them to think your way, you must design the idea you use as a seed to be open ended enough that the other person can build on the idea in their own way to make it their own. Rather than planting a developed plant (the direct idea), plant an underdeveloped idea (a seed).

I think I have to be fake in order to be accepted. This is wrong. but this is how I was in my childhood: I thought, my real self would be unacceptable to god, to people, to the law, and so I must always present a fake self in order to be accepted.  This is an unhealthy childhood habit that I want to overcome now that I’m an adult in a better place to express my true self and be accepted for it.

I want to think: people can and will accept me for who I am. 

I often give love by protecting people from consequences by lying to them and stunting their growth. I want to be more honest, and use this honesty to encourage and inspire and help others grow and improve.

Importance of play:

play must be fair: in canines, if the dominant wolf tackles another wolf in the pack, the dominant wolf must let the other wolf tackle him back in play. If there is unfairness, the unfair player is ignored by the rest of the group and they are avoided. 

bullies don’t know how to play fair; they didn’t learn at home as children. 

to play fair, you must have consciousness, and an understanding of what the other animal wants and how their actions affect the animal. in other words, empathy 

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