Fears Associated with Relationships

  • Fear of Attachment.
    • To avoid the pain of loss.  However, never getting attached results in a lonely, lifeless life empty of people that isn’t worth living.  It is better to feel pain, but have the chance at joy, than to feel nothing.  
    • To avoid hurting others. However, you should realize that people are selective about who they depend on, so you don’t have to worry about them being overly reliant on you.  Even if they are overly reliant on you, accept imperfection: mistakes will happen (Overcome Perfectionism).  In addition to doing your best to prevent them, you need to learn how to deal with them (Guide to Handling Emotions and Problems)
  • Trust and Betrayal
    • Some people are bad, but some people are good. Don’t let the bad keep you from finding the good.  Don’t give up the search.  Also, realize that if you do meet a bad person, you can get through it–it is only temporary.
    • Betrayal is, unfortunately, part of life.  A good way to prevent it is to be careful about who you trust by picking people less likely to break your trust: someone who would have little motivation to break it, and a strong enough character to maintain it.  Another way to prevent betray is to only trust as much as you need to, and no more: don’t risk more than you need to.  Finally, when it has happened, take some lessons from it, and then move on with your life.
  • Fear of Judgement
    • You will be judged, it’s a fact of life.  The question therefore is how to deal with it.  A good first step is to understand the situation with some resources: “Understand the World” and “Relationships” from Life Education CurriculumNature of Your Own Identity
    • You can overcome it by logically think through the fear: is there any legitimate reason to be afraid of the consequences of being judged?  If you’re going into court about life and death, maybe, but if it’s harmless like what does someone think of me, then it doesn’t matter.  Differentiate between Needs vs Wants–you need to be judged innocent to avoid jail, you want to have an apple instead of apple juice.  More resources in Social Anxiety and Overcome Irrational Fears due to Imagination


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