Monthly Archives: May 2020

Every Moment that Ends, Ends Forever

Recently I’ve really liked thinking about this idea that things end.
I’ve always known things end. But. I always think there’s redemption. To everything. Redemption means karma will catch up and the universe will rebalance. Redemption means there’s an afterlife of some sort and the tension today will be resolved tomorrow. Redemption means my guilt will be my payment back to the universe to rebalance things. Redemption means I can learn from my past and do better tomorrow to make up for my mistakes. Redemption means I can pay it forward. Redemption means I will have another chance in some form or another. Redemption means this isn’t it. This isn’t the end. There is more, and the more is better.
Redemption gives the comfort that it will get better. Redemption is predicated on the foundational idea that this is not the end. This is not it. There is more.
And the idea that things end erases redemption. If things end, there is no better. There is no balance. There is no second chance. That was it. This is it. It happened, the end.
The Greeks believed things end, and they said the beauty of mortality is that everything is precious so you must seize the day.
Religions that came afterward believed that things do not end, and the beauty of that is there is hope for a better tomorrow. This isn’t it. Perceive the present and be aware of it, but focus and move towards the future.
This idea that I can redeem my actions has led me to make some terrible actions. If someone asks me for help, I can say no. I’m not in a helping mood right now. I can help later, when I feel like it. There will be another chance. This failure to help will be redeemed by my help given later.
This idea that I can redeem my actions means I can make mistakes. If I hurt someone else, that was part of my learning process and journey. I will have a chance to either make it up to that same person, or I can carry those lessons forward to my future relationships and that’s how I can pay back the universe for my actions.
And the idea that I cannot redeem my actions, and the idea that things end, and the idea that this is it, means I will not be able to redeem my prior actions. It means that the choices I make today are the choices that will define me. It means that delayed gratification…it’s not wrong, but it’s not entirely accurate either. This was it. Your time is limited. The more you spend it on nothingness with the idea that things will get better later, the more of your life you spend on nothingness. The idea that things end makes me feel I should be squeezing more out of my present moment, because every moment that ends, ends forever.

Ending Explained:
The View from Halfway Down Speech:
Actual Ending to the show:

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Learnings May 2020

Don’t be so thirsty that you drink every cup of water that is handed to you. That’s how you get poisoned.

I’m not a loser because I fail. I’m a loser if I don’t try. Because I try, I’m a winner. I can’t control the outcome, but I can control myself. If I try, I win because I tried.

Do what you love, not what you should. If you do what you love, you will be energized and thrive. If you do what you should, you will be suppressed and small. This doesn’t apply to small details like should you eat healthy or drive on the correct side of the road.

No leader is above serving. If they don’t give enough to the followers they will lose their followers so every leader serves their followers something. Abuse, Materialism, Vision, etc.

Your love language might not be what they want. Their love language might not be what you want. Look past that

Love is like a joke. if you have to explain it, you’re probably not doing it right. – Solomon Wang

I am more comfortable in failure than success. I need to change that and get comfortable with success and seek it out more.

You need to align on your final destination. // If I get on a bus and I really enjoy the bus, but I miss my stop because I stay on the bus, then depending on how important that stop was I will feel bad or good. If it’s not important I will be glad I stayed on the bus to enjoy the ride. If it is important then the enjoyment of the bus ride will be overshadowed by the cost of missing something more important. // Know what is important to you and make sure you get to your important final destinations 

Is it self sabatoge or is it me not realizing what I want? Maybe I want something different than what I think I want and that is why I keep making choices and actions that are the opposite. Actions can express priorities. Actions can also be bad habits of addition to overcome. Wisdom recognizes the difference.

There’s always more time until there isn’t. Don’t waste an opportunity. This might be the only one

I have felt aimless for a long time and I suddenly realized that you can’t hit a target if you have no target and nothing to aim at. So the reason I’ve been feeling aimless is because I have no target and Not because I’m bad at aiming.

The mental health industry has bad initial advice for me because they tell me to leave and abandon the suicidal person. This is not helpful because any rational person would leave and abandon someone they don’t care about. If they stay then clearly they care about the person. So the mental health professional is failing to meet the needs of the patient which is to care for the suicidal threatening abuser. 

The tree that never had to fight for sun and air and water never learned to be a forest king but lived and died a scrubby thing.

In a panic you state the problem only: Fire!!! 

How do I ____? 

Urgency clips the tongue

In calm you state the goal: hey I want to get ____. And others comment and gain context through conversation. So it’s a signal if someone only criticizes. That means it’s an emergency for that person 

When you are weak, you can’t handle pain. But if you don’t push through pain, you can’t get stronger. So when you are weak, you avoid getting stronger, which keeps you weak. It is a vicious cycle. 

Yea, the way I think of it is someone toxic needs cleaning. So if they drank one cup of poison, we need to give them 10 cups of water to wash it out. But some people have 1000 cups of poison, so they need 10,000 cups of water. but I only have 2 cups a day. so if I suddenly give them 30 cups, then I get poisoned.  

So if someone doesn’t respect my boundaries and forces me to give 100 cups and pushes me to be poisoned myself, I should set limits or cut them off. But it doesn’t change the knowledge I have that someone is suffering from poison and needs water. 

So because I care like you said, I don’t forget that they need help. So I try to find ways to fundraise 2 cups of water per person for 10,000 people to heal one person. But having 10k people heal 1 person is not efficient. So I have a scalable solution I’ll implement someday. Keep following me to hear it!

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Be Proactively Thoughtful

Up until now, I have been reactively thoughtful.  When something goes wrong, I stop my life progress and I focus on understanding it.  

Moving forward, I need to be proactively thoughtful.  When I am in conversation with people and building relationships with people, it gives a bad impression if I don’t respond to them in the moment and I just ignore or disappear and let the topic hang.  I need to understand and guess and anticipate what they will think and prepare for what they might say before they say it so that I can handle it in the best way to preserve and build and maintain the relationship.  

From this article, I realize that if I ever want to have the skill to go represent a company to the president or to anyone powerful in general, I won’t get the chance to fail and fail and fail and fail and fail until I finally break through and succeed.  I only get one chance to make a first impression to earn the right to come back.  And to guarantee my chances of making a good first impression, I need to be proactively thoughtful and anticipate concerns and address them ahead of time. 

This skill also applies to daily life. Whenever I meet someone, I will have a more successful meeting if I can anticipate their needs and address their concerns beforehand. So I don’t get caught by surprise and instead I am prepared.

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