Don’t Expect People to Live Up to Your Expectations

I have a tendency to ‘expect’ things from people in positions of power, or ‘expect’ things from people who are responsible for things based on their role.  For example: Expecting my mom to be a good mom. Expecting my manager to be a good manager. Expecting my iPhone help technician to be competent.  

When I talked to my iPhone help in 2019, I could tell immediately that she had little knowledge and was blindly following the book and was not going to be willing or able to help me and I could already sense a bias and negative attitude and energy from her.  

In the face of this negative energy, I became subservient and tried to earn and win her approval and I let her make me feel like I had low self esteem and low self worth and I believed that I deserved to be treated poorly and I begged for better treatment. NO. NO. NO. NEVER AGAIN react this way. If someone disrespects me and tries to break my frame, I SHOULD NOT THINK LOWER OF MYSELF and let this stranger who doesn’t know me dictate my perception of myself.  I know who I am and I know what I’m worth. This person doesn’t.  

I used to think 1. this is a malicious intent from the other person so I need to be in fear or 2. this is a consequence of an unfair worth that isn’t worth living in so I need to be in depression.  Now I want to focus and STAY in 3. this is an imperfect world where people make mistakes and I just need to stay SMART, keep my WITS about me, and INTELLIGENTLY NAVIGATE my way through this world with all its faults and issues and problems.  

I can do number 3 now because I accept that meeting someone who misses my expectations is now an ACCEPTABLE outcome, instead of fighting that reality with denial and rage and bargaining. I accept these terms, world. For the first time, I no longer expect or demand the world to make sense, to be fair, to live up to expectations. Take what I can get, react to what I see, stay conscious of my identity.

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