Life Lessons July 2014

7/30/14.
7/29/14 When you can’t think of what to say #conversationSkills just compliment the person. That’s how I greeted someone and he warmed up to me instantly and I wasn’t even trying.
7/25/14
Some people think to be encouraging to others they have to show disappointment and say things like “you’re not good enough.” They think this kind of encouragement is a way of showing love.
To the people who encourage this way: I think the act of showing disappointment and making negative statements is not encouragement and is not love.  I think a more effective way to encourage others is to speak the intent: I want to encourage you to do better.
To the people receiving this kind of treatment: I think it’s important to recognize the limitations of other people. They don’t know any better way to encourage, and that’s why they do it this way.  It’s not right, but it’s the best they can do.
7/23/14  I am too narrow minded sometimes in my communication: either they have to say the exact line in my head, or else it’s not acceptable.  This is especially true when it comes to love: I only look for what I want to hear, and even when they try I don’t accept it if it isn’t exactly what I demand.
It’s important to recognize the way of expressing is different from person to person due to language, culture, values, etc. So rather than focusing on the words being said, look past them to the message being communicated
7/22/14 my mom would accuse me of not loving her if I ever said no.  This is different with with healthy people: you can say no and still love someone.  Healthy people allow for no.
Resentment is an offloading of responsibility to the other person.  If you take responsibility for your actions and for your consequences, you can’t resent someone else, it wasn’t their fault, it was yours.  Same with passive aggressive behavior: it is your choice, not the other person’s fault.
7/20/14 A large barrier to my success has been to underestimate complexity: just looking from the outside, it’s hard to get a sense of how complicated things can get.  But once you know, then you can adapt.  Specific story: I tried to start a website, but I refused to use any pre-existing code or theories like databases or algorithms, believing that I could and should rebuild the wheel from scratch.  While I could do it my way, I didn’t understand the sheer number of man hours that went into what we have today, the millions of hours of toil to get to this point. There’s no way one man can achieve it all in one’s lifetime.  Therefore, to succeed in this world, you cannot make your own way completely independent of society and civilization: you must stand on the shoulders of giants. We have come a long way since sticks and stones.
7/15/14 Waking up is extremely important to set your life on track–everything is thrown off if you wake up late.  Your day is further thrown off if you eat late. You need energy to function so always eat.
7/14/14 Lack of skill does not mean lack of love.  If someone does something for you poorly, but out of love: it’s love.  Don’t criticize judge or be ungrateful.
7/4/14 I used to think scholarships were people trying to use me. The distinction is in how much you participate in the formation of the goals. If you set the goal, then they are using you in one sense, but you are letting them in another. If you’re going to be used, it’s better to be used in the way that you want to be used. Then it can be more of a partnership where you both get what you want.
7/2/14 STOP LABELING YOURSELF: don’t bring your insecurities into your life and relationships.  I keep labeling myself as poor: stop it.  Just say: I have this much money, period. It doesn’t mean poor, it doesn’t mean rich, it just is.

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