Often times you want something so you hold onto it so that it stays yours. However, this is selfish because you are only considering what you want. When it comes to many things in life, there are other people involved and they are allowed to want different things.

I recently wanted to repair a relationship by sending an apology, but this person did not want to forgive me and this made me feel very bad. How could they not forgive me? How can I live with myself knowing that this person isn’t going to forgive me for something I did unintentionally and accidentally? In the end, I realized two things. First, life goes on and it’s totally fine for the person to not forgive me: it doesn’t affect my life that much. I am living true to my values by acknowledging my mistakes and offering an apology. Second, forgiveness is their choice to give and it’s not in my control to get it.

The mindset shift from “How do I get forgiven” to “How do I learn and grow from this” was an extremely long journey, but ultimately what it took was letting go of trying to get forgiveness, and accepting that I’ll learn, grow, and move on.

It was surprising for me to realize that an action as pure and well intended as giving an apology could be perceived by the other person as a negative thing. However, I learned that you can’t control how others see you, and you can’t control if they forgive you, so you have to let go of what you can’t control.

The healthy decision is to let go. Let them go. They chose to leave, let them go. Do nothing. Don’t try to catch them. Don’t try to chase them. Trying to catch or chase them is trying to control the situation. They know where to find you. Give them the freedom to choose to come back for as the old quote goes “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”