All posts by Solomon

Treat others the way they want to be treated

Dating, Friendships, Human Nature, Relationships

Treat others the way they treat you 

-> Treat others the way you want to be treated

-> Treat others the way they want to be treated

The first level is eye for an eye. They treat you well, you treat them well. They treat you bad, you treat them bad. There is a vengeance and cruelty to it.

The second level is narcissistic. You train and build yourself up with firm values, and then assert them on others regardless of whether it is right for the other person or not. You don’t acknowledge the beauty there is in the uniqueness of every person. You don’t acknowledge that people are individuals to be treated differently. You treat them all the same based on your own thoughts.

The third level is compassionate and respectful. You listen, empathize, then give according to how they wish to receive. The only way to effectively give love is to understand how the other person receives love. How they receive love in reality is often not the same as what they say in words, because they may lack self awareness or there could be miscommunication. Try different ways of giving love, and watch how they react. Go with what they like and enjoy receiving, not what you like to give.

Let go of what you can’t control — Forgiveness

Dating, Friendships, Relationships

Often times you want something so you hold onto it so that it stays yours. However, this is selfish because you are only considering what you want. When it comes to many things in life, there are other people involved and they are allowed to want different things.

I recently wanted to repair a relationship by sending an apology, but this person did not want to forgive me and this made me feel very bad. How could they not forgive me? How can I live with myself knowing that this person isn’t going to forgive me for something I did unintentionally and accidentally? In the end, I realized two things. First, life goes on and it’s totally fine for the person to not forgive me: it doesn’t affect my life that much. I am living true to my values by acknowledging my mistakes and offering an apology. Second, forgiveness is their choice to give and it’s not in my control to get it.

The mindset shift from “How do I get forgiven” to “How do I learn and grow from this” was an extremely long journey, but ultimately what it took was letting go of trying to get forgiveness, and accepting that I’ll learn, grow, and move on.

It was surprising for me to realize that an action as pure and well intended as giving an apology could be perceived by the other person as a negative thing. However, I learned that you can’t control how others see you, and you can’t control if they forgive you, so you have to let go of what you can’t control.

The healthy decision is to let go. Let them go. They chose to leave, let them go. Do nothing. Don’t try to catch them. Don’t try to chase them. Trying to catch or chase them is trying to control the situation. They know where to find you. Give them the freedom to choose to come back for as the old quote goes “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”

Overcoming Fear

Achieve Success, Emotional Intelligence, Life Lessons

My New Year’s Resolution for 2023 is to face and overcome my fears. I no longer want to be held back. I want to rise up thrive grow and achieve success. This is how I plan to overcome my fear:

  1. Defining in objective detail what it is I’m afraid of and be as specific as possible.
    1. Example: Do not say a fear of snakes. Say a fear of a snake bite that results in death.
    2. Example: Do not say a fear of abandonment. Say the fear of the pain of grief, loss, and sorrow that comes from abandonment.
  2. Describe why I am afraid of it. What exactly about the situation do I dislike?
    1. For the snake bite, the real fear is my fear of death and of a scar on the skin. If a snake bit me and I didn’t die and it didn’t make a mark, I could handle the pain of the pinch no problem.
    2. For abandonment, the real fear is my fear of loneliness. If someone abandoned me, but I still had many other friends and family to lean on, I could handle the pain of abandonment.
  3. Make Plans around the fear.
    1. Wear thick clothing around snakes or hikes with snakes. Do research ahead of time for where there are snakes.
    2. Join Clubs and maintain an active Social Life. Make and maintain friendships.
  4. Accept your fear might come true someday and that you did your best. Make a plan for when the worst does occur.
    1. If you are bitten, know you have health insurance, you can call 911. Live each day like it could be your last, so you have no regrets if it is your last day.
    2. Build out your emergency contacts list.