I’ve always wondered why I am different psychologically from so many of my peers. Why do I see more than they do? Why do I feel more than they do? Why do I react more than they do? Now I know why: it’s because I’ve been through a deeper degree of life threatening experiences than they have, if they have been through any at all.

People who have gone through life threatening experiences see the world differently from people who haven’t. So this creates 3 kinds of relationships.

Let’s call the two groups PTSD and non-PTSD.

Two people who are Non-PTSD can become friends who understand each other

Two people who are PTSD can become friends who understand each other

A PTSD person and a Non-PTSD person can never truly understand each other until that Non-PTSD person converts to a PTSD person, or puts in the work and effort to study and imagine and empathize with what PTSD is.

If you are a PTSD person who has trouble connecting with Non-PTSD people, I want you to know 1. you are not alone and 2. they don’t understand you. Rather than have them try to understand you, point them to understand what PTSD is, and then have them understand you and empathize with you through that lens.

This article from Psychology Today describes 3 kinds of Trauma.

1. Life Threatening Trauma (you or someone you love)
2. Beyond Everyday Trauma (abuse)
3. Everyday Trauma (stress)

If someone has never been in a brutal car accident, then getting into a car doesn’t trigger fear like someone who knows the trauma that can occur from getting into a car.

If someone has never seen how the careless negligence of something insignificant like accidentally bumping into someone in the grocery store can result in a mentally unstable person being tipped over the edge and massacring people, they might not look around before backing up in a public area.

If someone has never seen how a smile and a trusting face can be used to scam and extort and ruin families, they might not feel fear when they meet someone pleasant to be around.

Harry Potter had it right with the Thestrals: some things, only people who have seen death know.

So the question now is: How do I as a person who has seen death interact with and live with and socialize with other people who literally do not see what I see, and consider what I see to be imaginary? How do I maintain my reputation as a sane person when only other people who have experienced death will know I’m sane? How do I maintain popularity if most people don’t understand what I’m saying because they don’t see what I see because they haven’t had a life threatening experience?

Should live threatening experiences be part of the education system? It certainly is a significant mark of maturity, and a necessary experience for maturity, and yet

Emotional and Psychological Trauma

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trauma-queen/201703/what-does-it-mean-be-traumatized

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/trauma

I have a tendency to ‘expect’ things from people in positions of power, or ‘expect’ things from people who are responsible for things based on their role.  For example: Expecting my mom to be a good mom. Expecting my manager to be a good manager. Expecting my iPhone help technician to be competent.  

When I talked to my iPhone help in 2019, I could tell immediately that she had little knowledge and was blindly following the book and was not going to be willing or able to help me and I could already sense a bias and negative attitude and energy from her.  

In the face of this negative energy, I became subservient and tried to earn and win her approval and I let her make me feel like I had low self esteem and low self worth and I believed that I deserved to be treated poorly and I begged for better treatment. NO. NO. NO. NEVER AGAIN react this way. If someone disrespects me and tries to break my frame, I SHOULD NOT THINK LOWER OF MYSELF and let this stranger who doesn’t know me dictate my perception of myself.  I know who I am and I know what I’m worth. This person doesn’t.  

I used to think 1. this is a malicious intent from the other person so I need to be in fear or 2. this is a consequence of an unfair worth that isn’t worth living in so I need to be in depression.  Now I want to focus and STAY in 3. this is an imperfect world where people make mistakes and I just need to stay SMART, keep my WITS about me, and INTELLIGENTLY NAVIGATE my way through this world with all its faults and issues and problems.  

I can do number 3 now because I accept that meeting someone who misses my expectations is now an ACCEPTABLE outcome, instead of fighting that reality with denial and rage and bargaining. I accept these terms, world. For the first time, I no longer expect or demand the world to make sense, to be fair, to live up to expectations. Take what I can get, react to what I see, stay conscious of my identity.

Dying Letter from a person with Lung Cancer.

“I wish I had not worried so much about the little things. I wish I had not worried so much about the numbers in my bank account or the punch of the time clock. All that time working. I had enough money to keep a roof over my head and to invest in what few hobbies I had, yet I still kept racking up overtime. And for what? Only to find myself here. It all came to nothing in the end. I robbed myself of the most precious commodity I had, time, in exchange for green pieces of paper and little metal discs. A perverse and twisted trade. Only now do I see the truth.

I wish I had had the courage to live my life the way I wanted to. I wish I had traveled the world, fallen in love, written a novel. I wish I had had children. I have no one to whom I can pass my life lessons. No one to sit by my side, here at the end of my world. It is too late for me. But it is not too late for you. Live the life YOU want, no matter how strange it may seem to others or to society. It is your life and yours alone. Live it well.”

41yo suboxone patient with lung cancer. I don’t mean to keep pestering this sub, but I thought I’d drop in to say good-bye. The cancer is in my heart and central cardiovascular area. It’s over. from AskDocs

I wish I had had the courage to live my life the way I wanted to. It’s not too late for you! It’s not too late for me. I gotta get on this. No really: Message me if you want to help me. I have plans and goals. I need help putting them into action. Send me an email! Find it at the end of my About section!