To help someone is in emotional pain, you need to assess the severity of their emotional pain. There is a difference between someone who is emotionally healthy and someone who is in emotional pain.
– If someone is emotionally healthy but sad, you can cheer them up using normal methods like bringing them happiness or taking them to do fun things.
– If someone is in emotional pain, you need to listen to their story in full detail to help them heal by helping them feel like they aren’t alone, they are understood, their feelings are acknowledged, and they are supported and cared for. When you listen, you need to not judge, not criticize, not give advice, and not try to change their perspective on things. You have to acknowledge that this is their story, their version, and listen to what they are saying. Avoid the trap of trying to disagree with their statements to help them feel better. All that will do is make them feel like you are attacking them. Instead, wait until after they have told you their whole story. Typically shortly after they tell you the whole story and you make them feel heard, they will then be willing to listen to what you have to say. And you can give your advice and perspective then. Not before. If you want to help them, you will not give your thoughts before they have finished telling you theirs.
To successfully Communicate and Persuade and Be Heard, follow these steps from Ellen’s skillful example:
1. Let them speak their mind
2. Acknowledge what they say, Agree and Support them to make it a safe place for them to open up and trust you and express themselves honestly to you.
3. Compliment the other person to get them to like listening to you and get them to open up their ears to hear what you have to say next.
4. Deliver your logical argument or say what you wanted to say to them.
5. Give them space to think about it and then let the respond honestly to you.
6. Address the comments while reassuring that you still acknowledge and support them and you have good intentions, explicitly. Explicitly do all of those things.
7. Yay happiness, they heard you.
Here are the Ellen Clips
Two modes of decision making: certainty based and statistically based