Body Language – Rich vs Poor

The Rich vs. Poor Series is a collection of articles that discuss differences in habit and behavior between the rich and poor. The Series is written with the intent to 1. Reduce class warfare and hate by promoting understanding and empathy through articles that explain the different perspectives towards topics and issues the rich and poor have, and 2. Educate the poor on how they can improve their own situation.

 

Rich people are better able to express themselves with their body language than poor people.  This is because speaking good body language is a skill decays over time like any other language or skill.  If you don’t practice your second language, your instrument, your sport or craft, then after a few years you will lose most of your abilities.  Rich people, being wealthy enough in free time and expendable income, can afford to attend more social events than poor people, and so have more opportunities to maintain the skill of body language than poor people.  Going out with friends to a gathering, party, or event costs money and time.  Thus, as the years go by, a rich person’s body language gets more and more refined by practice while a poor person’s body language gets worse by a lack of practice. 

One could argue that some skills are timeless and once learned are never forgotten, like riding a bike or drinking water.  To that I say: rich children are more likely to learn body language growing up than poor children.  The first reason is opportunity; the rich have more social events and therefore more opportunities for practice, and practice is necessary for learning, so the rich kids improve while the poor kids don’t.  Rich parents know good body language, and so teach it to their children, while poor parents don’t have good body language, and so instead teach bad body language to their children.

Poor people body language is typically being still and uncommunicative.  This is because this body language is born out of fear: by not communicating anything, you minimize the risk of speaking bad body language and causing problems.  This is a self perpetuating cycle because by not making mistakes, they never learn how to correct the mistake.  By never seeing good body language, they never see how to correct the mistake.

Furthermore, differences in the environment they live in result in expressive and positive emotional body language being more acceptable and common for rich people, and unexpressive and negative emotional body language being more acceptable and common for poor people.

In poor neighborhoods, crime is higher.  Because body language can attract criminals and trouble, you protect yourself by restricting your body language; in rich neighborhoods, crime is lower, so it is safe for a rich person to use their entire body to talk to you: face, hands, arms, etc.  If you talk to homeless people, they typically have a dead-pan facial expression, and will react slowly and carefully, because they don’t know if you mean harm or good, and they don’t want to risk offending you and bringing harm to themselves.  This risk is particularly great because a homeless or poor person has little to back them up, hence being poor.  So their future is very dependent upon how this specific event will turn out: if it ends up badly, the poor person will have little to no help recovering, whereas a rich person has safety and security in friends, family, and wealth to recover.  Because so few people talk to homeless or poor people, every opportunity is much more valuable to a poor person. A rich person knows more will come, so the importance of each individual interaction is reduced (see Scarcity vs Abundance), meaning the rich person is more willing to take risks with expressing his or her opinions and standing up for them while a poor person will be quicker to take back what he or she said, and it is easier to claim miscommunication when your body language wasn’t clear in the first place.

In the workplace, poor people are more likely to be employees rather than managers, so they must be more cautious about what they say and do in case they get fired. You don’t have to worry about offending the boss and getting fired when you are the boss, and rich people are more likely to be the boss. Because poor people are more likely to be low level employees, the body language that they do learn is that of subordination and obedience, rather than the assertive and independent, free thinking body language associated with higher level employees. Poor people develop the body language of nodding downwards when greeting or acknowledging people or conversations (the modern relic of bowing), because that’s what is appropriate in the workplace in order to give the respect due to their managers.  Rich people are more likely to nod upwards, because they are in charge.  

Because poor parents spend most of their day without authority, they are more likely to assert it at home, over their children, further perpetuating the body language education of subordination.  Poor parents are tired from work, and will tell their children to be quiet, robbing them of opportunities to practice and learn how to express themselves.  Rich parents on the other hand, spend most of their day with authority, so they are more likely to give their children more freedom to be themselves rather than hide themselves.  In fact, rich parents place more emphasis on manners like speaking when spoken to, therefore providing their children with more opportunities to practice expressing and being themselves than poor parents.  Poor families have more problems at home, or problems with life in general, so the conversation topics and consequent body language is primarily about power, anger, and violence, which is what the will children learn.  Rich families have more time for joy, and so while they still may have problems at home, they also have many positive experiences and stories to outweigh the bad, and on the whole teach positive body language instead.  

Body language has a strong influence on your personal identity, which shapes your behavior for the future.  You can break out by faking it until you make it, see this TED talk by Amy Cuddy on Body Language

Read more about articles in the Rich vs. Poor Series here.

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Defeat Laziness with Logic and a Desire for Happiness

Laziness, Indecision, or Fear often keeps you from doing what you want and being happy.  Most of the time, it can be worked out with logic.

Let’s say you want to go on a hike.  However, you are too lazy to pack, you don’t know which trail to hike, and you’re afraid you’ll meet a bear, so you don’t go.  Instead, you fill your time and life with second-best options, and are not as satisfied.  Now you’re dissatisfied with your life.  Let’s say you want to be satisfied with your life.  OK, what do you need to do: pack, pick a trail with no bears, and go hike.

If you reduce your laziness into two logical choices. 1. be lazy and less happy, or 2. be active and more happy, then you can bring perspective into the situation, and the answer becomes clear to the question: Which do you want?  If laziness brings you happiness, then your logical choices are 1. be lazy and more happy, or 2. active and less happy; and again, you can pick the one you want.

Some further comments are: don’t feel bad for choosing to be lazy if that’s what you want to be.  It’s a free country.  However, if you feel bad about being lazy, then you need to realize the reality of your situation, and face your logical choices and choose the one you want.

Conversation Secrets: Sustaining Conversation

To introduce a new topic, or change the direction of the conversation, remember all question words: Who What When Where Why How etc.  Then combine said question words with any noun or verb you can think of into a logical or illogical sentence.  Be a monkey with a dictionary.  Then filter out the ones you think of and pick the best question for the situation.

To stay on topic without having anything more to say about it, simply elaborate on whatever you’re saying by stating the obvious if it hasn’t yet been said.  Everyone’s mind holds a different context, and stating something explicitly does several good things: it brings everyone onto the same page, it keeps everyone relaxed since there’s no awkward silence, it gives people more time to think about what to say next, and it can trigger mental associations that move the conversation forward.

Storytelling is the best form of communication and socializing, so try to speak in terms of stories (see the movie Lincoln).  Stories are good because it sends a message with an example, and it’s entertaining.  Focus on recreating the scene, rather than just progressing the plot, and emphasize descriptions related to emotion.   Tell the same story multiple times to multiple people–you will refine both the story and your storytelling skills that way.

How to Ask Questions without Questions

Questions to Deepen the Conversation

What do you like to do in your free time? What do you like? What do you care about? What did you do recently [that was fun]?

How long have you ___?  or I have been ___ for ___.

Where [did you/have you] ___?  or  I ___ in ___.

What has happened in the news lately? Global, Domestic, Regional, Local?  What has happened to you or your mutual friends in the last few days, yesterday, today? What happened earlier–no matter how dull or boring, it is something to talk about: say what you did.  Try to describe it more and expand on every detail

Expand on every detail.  Nouns and verbs, expand with adjectives or expressions like similes.