A Time and Place for Business vs. Personal

When you’re growing up, life is about balancing work and play.  When you’re an adult, that balance is called business and personal.

Business is about competition, and winning, because winning is good for business.  Business is about money.

Personal is about having fun, because fun contributes to happiness and relieves stress.  Personal is about time, hence “personal time.”

Mixing or mistaking one for the other causes problems.  A friend who refuses to lend you money isn’t a bad friend: lending money is a business transaction, not a test of friendship.  Trust is a test of friendship, but you can not count on it in the business world: if a lawyer can screw you for it, prepare to be screwed.  Furthermore, one-upmanship and cutthroat competition belongs in business, not in personal.  Someone who criticizes and critiques all contacts is not fun to hang out with, but is exactly who you want if you’re trying to improve.  Also, taking a social game too seriously can ruin the fun, but taking a competitive game too causally can also ruin the fun.

In social situations, the line between when it’s business and when it’s personal is not only fine, but constantly moving.  A general good rule of thumb is to pay attention to body language and measure how receptive they are to what you’re doing, and listen for signals either to continue or stop.

In Personal, effort is awarded.  In Business, results are awarded.  Be careful not to judge people in your personal life with results.

More Social Skills Resources

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Activity or Social Event: Understand your Motivations for Going Out

Are you going to the event to socialize, meet friends or new people?  Or are you going to the event for the activity: sports, concert, etc.  Which one you choose changes your priorities: in the former, you’re there to converse with other people, in the latter you’re there to enjoy yourself, and others if you feel like it.

Beware of mistaking a social event for an activity event and vice versa: you may end up disappointed.  If you want to ice skate, but no-one will go with you, but you also want to see someone you know, then schedule two events: go ice skating (activity event), then hang out with someone (social event), or hang out, then go ice skating.

Timescales

Time is a great way to put things in perspective.

In Relationships:  If I have a doctor’s appointment from 11AM to 12PM, I’m busy. If I don’t answer you, I’m not ignoring you, I just have stuff to do. So if I don’t see you for a day or two, it might be just we both had stuff to do. The more busy we are, the harder it is to line up schedules, so I might not see you for a week. If people are that busy, it might time to plan something to ensure, if you want to, everyone can meet up.  Sometimes, plans don’t work because emergencies happen. I only get worried about the relationship when either the excuses to not meet up are fake, or there’s no desire to meet up. As long as those two things aren’t true, then I don’t worry about the relationship: the relationship is fine, it’s just that life is getting in the way.  With patience and time, you will meet again.

In Failure: Just because I failed today, doesn’t mean I will tomorrow.  Everyone makes mistakes during the learning process, with patience and time, you will improve your chances for success!

In Regret: Another opportunity will come