Dealing with Peer Pressure

Social Anxiety

Be true to yourself: If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.

They may judge you for it, let them.  What does it matter if they judge you?  If they are your friends, they’ll accept you anyway.  If they are rational people, they’ll accept you anyway.  If someone likes oranges but not apples, are you going to peer pressure them into eating apples?  Why?  They are entitled to their own preferences.  Whatever you’re being pressured to do is the same thing: if you don’t want to, don’t do it.

However, if everyone there is doing it, and they aren’t welcoming to you, then perhaps you don’t belong there.  Don’t mistake this for a lack of self worth (see Common Misconceptions about Self Worth).  If you’re on a basketball court with people playing basketball, don’t read a book: get off the court.  The time and place sets the activity: come back in an hour when there’s no-one playing basketball, and you are free to read a book on the court.

At the same time, don’t invent rejection: if there is no reason to believe that you aren’t wanted there, then it’s fine for you to stay! The only question is if you want to.  Here’s an article on how to avoid Fears Due to Imagination

Overcome Irrational Fears due to Imagination

Mental Health

The human mind is extremely good at simulation.  You can think of something, imagine it being real, and then experience it as if it were real, feeling all the emotions and having all the physical responses as if it were real.  While this is great when you’re in control of your imagination and using it for a purpose, it is frightening when your imagination runs wild and controls you.  Often times an irrational fear is when an encounter with something you fear triggers your imagination to take over, and all you can think about or feel is all the things that could go wrong or that you can imagine happening that you don’t want to happen.  What you need to do is take control of your imagination to avoid the problems that arise when you are not in control.

Instead of letting your imagination run wild with no explicitly stated goal, focus it.  Why are you imagining things, what do you want to accomplish?  If you find yourself constantly scared by the horrible things you imagine could happen, be self aware and realize that you have subconsciously decided to imagine all the things that could go wrong.  Instead, re-define the goal to be to imagine possible outcomes without bias, and make a clear level headed decision (Decision Making Rich vs. Poor).  Better yet, imagine all the ways it can go right!

Furthermore, apply the lessons from the article Lost and Found to your fears.  Simulation and Imagination have great power, and “with great power comes great responsibility.”

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Conquering Social Event Anxiety

Social Anxiety

Don’t know what to expect? Google for stories.

Don’t know what to do or how to act?  Google for what to expect, do what you want to.

Afraid? It won’t be as bad as you think: your catastrophic theories rarely come true, and when they do, they aren’t as bad as you think as long as you know what’s important and what’s not: life and safety, values and principles.

Why do you feel this way?  If you’ve never been in a pool, swimming for the first time can feel strange and uncomfortable.  It might take some getting used to.  So practice, expose yourself to it more, and it will grow on you.

Afraid you’ll be seen as awkward? Here’s something I learned over the years: everyone is focused on themselves too much to notice other people. Try to remember someone you know being awkward or weird. Can you? Chances are, you either can’t think of any, or only know of a few, but in all cases, if I didn’t ask you to try and remember, you’d never think about a time when someone ELSE was awkward or weird, you only remember and think about when you YOURSELF were. And this is true for everyone else, so don’t be afraid to be awkward or weird: 1. they won’t remember, 2. MOST of the time, they won’t even know. I think it will surprise you to find out that most people feel awkward or weird, but others don’t find them awkward or weird. It’s only real if people start pointing it out. Even then you don’t have to worry, see 4 Ways to Beat Social Anxiety

Read this if you want me to persuade you to do it: Defeating Laziness with Logic and a Desire for Happiness