Loneliness Battery

Loneliness

The loneliness battery determines how long you can go alone without feeling alone.  It recharges with you’re connected to other people, and it slowly gets used up when you are separated.

The amount of recharge is based on the number of people you interact with, and more importantly, how connected you feel to those people during the interaction.  You feel much less alone after saying “Hi, Bye” to a few close friends and family, than saying “Hi, Bye” to 100 strangers.

You feel less alone if you have a conversation that is personal, than if you talk about things unrelated to you (small talk).

You charge faster if you converse with someone you believe is honest, genuine, and trustworthy; if you think the connection isn’t real, then the battery won’t charge.

The battery is based on reality and not imagination.  However, recalling fond memories can also remind you of periods in your life where you were connected, and those memories can charge your loneliness battery.

Getting Comfortable with a Friend

 

Common Misconceptions About Self Worth

Social Anxiety

If someone doesn’t like you, it doesn’t mean they dislike you.  There are many other emotional responses they could have, or they might have none at the moment: everything isn’t always about you.

If people don’t invite you, it doesn’t mean you’re banned–ask to go if you want to and it’s appropriate.

If something goes wrong, or someone is mean, it might not be your fault. They might be having a bad day, or someone else caused the problem.

Is liking a color an objective truth? Some people like orange, some people don’t, the same is true about you.  If some people dislike you, it’s OK and normal, you will find others who do like you.  (Watch the movie Wreck-It Ralph)

Your self worth is what you decide it to be.  If you want other people to decide it for you, it is your choice to let them. There is a difference between self-worth, which is the worth you perceive yourself to have, and worth to others, which can include cultural standards for social status, or peer standards, parental standards, material, etc. (see Judgments) If you want it to be based on how many people validate you, then it will be; but if you decide you have worth because you say so, then in your eyes you do.

You don’t have to be perfect to have self worth, unless you choose to make it a requirement, in which case you should realize you’re choosing to make it impossible to have self worth.  Remember, you are your worst critic, and no-one sees as many flaws as you do, so realize you have a skewed view of your imperfections.

Believe you can have what you want.  This idea of “deserve” only exists within certain contexts: In one community, you only deserve an xBox if you have straight As; in another, you deserve one because you can afford it; in another, because you have connections; etc. etc..  Getting something has two components: believing you have the self worth to have it, and an opportunity to have it.  Opportunity is partly in your control, but the belief in your self worth is definitely in your control.  You are worthy of happiness, love, friends, success, if you say so.  Whether you get it is separate.

Read What is Self Worth? next!

To find out when those posts, and other life education writing, are released, subscribe on the side! Follow on Twitter, on Facebook, on Google+, on Tumblr.

Conversation Secrets: Conversation Recap

Conversation

If your conversation reaches a low point, this is a good time to do a conversation recap: Quickly summarize what you discussed together and learned [about one another]. This does several things:

1. shows you were listening, and cared enough to remember, giving others a positive impression of you.

2. reminds everyone of their shared context, strengthening the relationship and the comfort level between everyone.

3. may trigger ideas for more conversation, or remind someone of something that they might not have had a chance to say before the conversation shifted to something else.

More Conversation Secrets: How to ask Questions without Questions