Major Categories of Relationships

Life Education, Relationships

Here are a couple of ways to think about, classify, and understand the relationships you make.

Business vs. Personal – A business relationship is about achieving a goal or objective: you care about the services and skills, and you will not stay with someone with inferior services and skills if you don’t have to.  A personal relationship is about bonding with another person, and you may stay with them even if they have inferior services and skills.

Business

  • Decisions motivated by money; competition and ruthlessness abound
  • Job/Career – If the world wasn’t based on money, perhaps I’d stay at a job because I liked my co-workers, but if two opportunities are equal except for pay, then despite liking the people at both I would switch–it’s business, not personal.
  • products/skills. You’re sick? See a Doctor. Want to learn dance? Hire an instructor.

Personal

  • Decisions motivated by kindness, empathy, human connection/relationship.
  • Help – there are things outside your control, that’s what friends and family are for. If you are ill and there’s nothing anyone can do, you will suffer something. This is where friends and family come to help you get through it. If you have to pay or bribe them to come, then it’s business. Same with love. It is in the un-necessities and the lack of “I give you this for that,” in the involuntary acts, that love and friendship is found.

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Conversations Friendship

Conversation, Friendships

A collection of indicators of friendship that can be found through conversation.

Example 1: Bob mentions he has been promoted, but is concerned and tired at the large amount of work he has now been given.

  • Acquaintance response: congrats on the promotion!  Surface level conversation about positive issues
  • Friend response: how are you feeling?  Caring conversation about deeper issues; feeling the friend’s concern and exhaustion and empathizing.

If you don’t know what to say, think of a compliment and say it.

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Tradeoff Decisions – Depression

Depression

A lot of depression often arises from the never ending stream of tradeoff decisions that comes with life. Some people are depressed by the fact that you cannot have everything you want, they are depressed by their limitations.  Others accept the fact that they have limitations but are depressed at the option they are giving up when they make a decision to spend their limited time on one activity (like a movie) and miss out on another (like bowling).

Unfortunately, there exist contradictions within reality which you cannot overcome, and all you can do is come to terms with them.  To come to terms with them:

Overcome Perfectionism to let go the Denial of reality (let go the denial of not being to have all you want) according to the Life Education Curriculum.  Then, now that you accept an imperfect reality, which is the only true reality we share, use the lessons in Self Improvement Part 2: Planning to maximize what you want given your constraints.  As for overcoming the feelings of regret, refocus your attention on the present reality that you are living rather than the imaginary world you are deluding yourself with and appreciate the reality that you have and what you have in that reality.

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